3rd Annual Worst E-mails of the Year

2006 will be remembered as the "Year of the Seagull", as NOAA's Safety
Seagull campaign won almost every major national award in the category
of stupid e-mail. The only suspense was would the entire Seagull series
(installments 3 through 7 were released in 2006) sweep Dolberry's 3rd
Annual Top 5.

#5: Revised Endorsement Supplement Form to Host Foreign National Guests:
This e-mail was the best example of NOAA's tendency to frequently send
all staff e-mails whenever they update a website that nobody in a
million years would ever look at. This one "clarified requirements
regarding the need to contact Office of Marine and Aviation Operations
(OMAO) staff when foreign nationals will be accessing OMAO platforms
(i.e., ships and planes)". Anyway, since Alfonso Soriano went to the
Cubs, how many foriegn Nationals are going to even be invited on one of
our boats?

#4: SUBJECT: Safety Tip #6 From NOAA Safety Seagull: This one featured
a dazed, barenekkid seagull bereft of feathers after apparently dropping
or perhaps quaffing a greenish looking beverage. His skin is slightly
greenish-tinged. The caption to the right reads: "Be careful when
handling hazardous materials.". It's clear from the drawing that the
Seagull is about 15 days overdue for another Betty Ford stay, but the
NOAA Safety flacks want us to think he mishandled some hazardous
material. Yeah, hazardous to his liver maybe.

#3: Friday, February 3 is National Wear Red Day: The lone EPA entry
this year encouraged us to wear red on the day after Groundhog's Day to
combat heart disease in women. The first lady was quoted as saying "I
encourage every one of you to go home, pull out your favorite red dress,
and tell every woman you know that heart disease doesn’t care what you
wear.” No offense intended here, but I'm pretty sure that if Dolberry
goes home and puts on his favorite red dress that the one woman he does
know (Mrs. Dolberry) damn well WILL care what he's wearing & that her
heart attack risk will probably be on the rise.

#2: Message From the Under Secretary -- Personal Accountability for Laptops and Equipment: I have to admit I have a certain bias against the
sender of this e-mail. First, Dolberry finds his 43-letter handle (VADM
Conrad C. Lautenbacher Jr., USN (Ret.)) a little extravagant in this age
of fiscal responsibility. Also, he invariably sends his e-mails out
late of Friday afternoon which presumably is meant to leave us w/ the
impression that he's still hard at work at the end of a long week. Of
course, we all know he's out on a Booze Cruise w/ the Seagull and Felipe
Lopez (a foriegn National, for you non baseball fans) and some DC flunky
has been left behind to hit the send button. But anyway, the worst of
his late Friday e-mails this year was the one that told us not to have
stuff stolen from us. Some highlights: "NOAA has not been immune to
lapses in properly safeguarding these devices. For the period
2001-2006, we can not account for 325 laptops. They have been lost,
misplaced, improperly disposed of or stolen. ... Our past performance
is unacceptable and we must do a better job protecting such equipment
and its content. The loss or theft of this equipment represents a loss
of taxpayer money and mission capability. ... Our goal must be 100
percent accountability for this equipment, i.e. No loss or theft. ...
Each of you must take seriously the responsibility that comes with
having these devices, and care for them as if you had paid for them
yourselves." This whole e-mail had the feel of a middle school assembly
after one punk pulled the fire alarm & then everyone was called in to
get berated for it by the principal. The e-mail looked even more
ridiculous three weeks later when a stash of 323 laptops were found in
the Safety Seagull's trunk after Silver Spring MD police pulled him over
for going 87 in a 35 mph zone.

#1: Safety Tip #5 From NOAA Safety Seagull: Wow. The first four Safety
Seagull serials were kinda funny in their own uninimitable "tell me
something I don't already know" style (e.g., getting struck by lightning
is NOT good for you), but they set a high-water mark here at #5. The
picture is of a guy, driving a car that's about 10 times too small for a
human, talking on a cell phone, & swirving from lane to lane. The
Seagull then tells us to "Keep Your Wings on the Wheel. Drive Safely."
Yo. Seagull. The guys does have his hand on the wheel (one of them at
least). It's like the only thing he's doing right in the whole picture
as far as safe driving goes. Appropriate safety approbations could have
been "Don't Try to Drive Toy Cars" or "Keep Your Eyes Open When Driving"
or "Make Sure Your Car Has a Door Handle" or even "Dude, That Striped
Turtleneck Is Gonna Get You Beat Up Someday".

DCV presents "Life Episodes -- Berghoff's"

By their nature, most DCV "Life Episodes" will be happy recountings of various Dolberry triumphs. They will be stories that, if you didn't know the subject, could appear to border on folklore, or possibly consist of something less than full veracity (though if anything the presentation will be understated). There'll invariably be a hero ... typically Dolberry. Sometimes there'll be a villian. Generally, the location will be an everyday venue that are often populated by the everyday readers of the DCV. Maybe J-town. Maybe Apex. This one's from Chicago & unlike most DCV episodes it's a decidedly unhappy tale.

Dolberry was a strapping young lad making his way in the rush & bundle business world of downtown Chicago. Specifically, the 26th floor of the (i forget the name) building. First job out of school, drawing down the serious dough that comes the way of Environmental Protection Specialists (for reference: the panhandlers in the El tunnels were doing better on most days). The work was hard ... trying to bring to completion EPA's approval of the State of Wisconsin's SO2 attainment plan. The plan had been submitted sometime shortly after Wisconsin had been admitted into the Union and had been languishing at EPA ever since. Approval was complicated by the fact that most of the facilities originally subject to the plan had gone out of business in the Depression. And while you think that might make it easier to conclude those facilities no longer posed a threat to air quality in Badgerland, you'd be wrong (for reasons Dolberry never understood).

Anyway, visitors were common to the big city. Dolberry's high rise luxury appartment overlooking Lake Michigan was frequently employed by some of his, well, "thriftier" relatives as free board for mini-vacations. I was ok w/ that ... sometimes it's hard to know when your generous nature is being stretched. But all that is a but a long prelude to the story at hand. One busy Novemeber Friday at the Region 5 offices, Dolberry was knee deep into the plan for limiting emissions from a Kenosha AMC plant that made Gremlins (the cars, not the fuzzy things you shouldn't get wet) sometime in the mid-70s before going bankrupt, when an interruption intruded ... some relatives were in town & wanted lunch. And not just lunch ... they wanted German food ... because it was Oktoberfest. (The only thing more confusing than the WI SIP to me is how it can be Oktoberfest in September, or April, or any other month they want.)

I've thought long & hard about this and DCV management has decided not to name names for this "Life Episode". I believe the culprits know who they are and the more respectable of them probably feel some guilt about their association w/ the whole ugly episode. (Though, some of them are probably beyond hope. Sis, I'm looking at you here.)

We went to Berghoff's, a travel guide favorite, but a real dump of a place. We had some pedestrian strudel or dumplings or whatever it is that Germans eat, & all was tolerable until the bill comes. Can you believe it ... these freeloading squatters believe Dolberry should pay?!? Fortunately, I had sold some blood for some extra money earlier in the week & while I was hoping to use that money for repairing the hole in the bottom of my shoes, especially noticed after an earlier snow. I had $35 bucks in my wallet & the bill came to $33.84. (You'd be astonished how many dumplings those guys could put down.) The waiter came for the bill & I gave him everything I had. I shot him a glance ... a furtive and ultimately futile non-verbal attempt to convey my situation hoping the pale bloodless non-glow of my face would yield some sympathy.

I should have known better. His name tag read ... "I'm Adolf SChott. I'm your server, ya," I don't think he spoke any English. Upon being confronted w/ the meager but totally acceptable tip he erupted saying "Nein!" "Nein tip!?!" "Das Boot!" "Nein tip! "Auf Wiedersen to you, dirty Yank." Dolberry doesn't like to further stereotypes so that's why I quoted him directly ... with his scathing rebuke ... words that left me so mortified that they remain etched in my cerebellum to this day. Were my dining parters equally mortified? In a word, no. They were still laughing as they picked up their Bloomingdale's bags on the way out of the restaurant.

Fifteen years later, a lot of things have changed. Berghoff's finally got shut down by the Health Dept. Dolberry is a ZP-4 which despite being one less than a GS-5, allows our hero to tip steadfastly at 30%. The Dolberries don't get as many visitors any more (once you've seen the Apex Chemical Plant Fire site once, there's not much left to see). SOme visitors even race past Apex on their way to the beach (bypassing their Bro in lieu of 10 minutes more at the beach. Again, -athy, I'm looking at you.) Another thing that has changed, and this is tragic, is the telling of the Berghoff's story. It has been cynically spun by the guilty into a legend of a maybe-too-eager-to-impress 20-something and some really bad math. Dolberry and the DCV would like to set the record straight here.

About the only thing that hasn't changed is that the Wisconsin SO2 SIP still resides at the Region 5 offices ... approval pending.

Day 3: The Return of the Dolberry

9:15: Awake.

9:30: Go to fitness center. All 4 treadmills & 4 exercise bikes are in use. Head back up to room w/ another "its the thought that counts workout".

9:40: One thing Dolberry likes to do at hotels is to walk past the conference rooms & decide which meeting he would rather be attending on that day. Today, it's a close call between the "Cobra Resources Meeting" & the "Retired United Pilots Association Meeting". I suspect the RUPA folks might catch that Dolberry's too young looking still to be a retired pilot. Am guessing that the "Cobra Resources" meeting is a CIA-front for some upcoming paramilitary action in the jungles of Venezuela. Knowing Dolberry & his people-pleaser nature, I'd probably be on a flight to Caracas by dinner. So, I decide to do my SECA meeting instead.

11:15: Headed to meeting. Walk takes me right past CA Capitol. Is very nice. While I saw t-shirts that said "The Governator", I didn't actually see Arnold. Would have been a highlight of the trip had it happened (right behind that Dire Straits song). I still have some questions about the plot of Predator.


3:00: Meeting was fine. Get to airport & gate in time to find the people from the 1:30 flight to ORD, deboarding their plane. Can't think this bodes well for our 4:30 flight. Or making the connection into RDU. But the Sacramento airport provides free WiFi, so that's pretty nice.

4:00: Still waiting. According to united.com, our flight's scheduled for 5:50 & the flight to RDU is now scheduled for 2:00am to get in to Raleigh at 3:56a. Sheesh, I might as well go straight in to work.

5:15: Getting on plane.

6:00: Wheels up from Sacramento.

6:30: The baby that was crying in the terminal is still going strong in the plane. At one point in the overcrowded terminal there was a screaming baby, a blaring security buzzer, and a little yappy dog barking in a portable kennel ... all competing for the title of loudest irritant. My colleague said the scene only lacked someone w/ Tourette's. Dolberry thought a dash of Jehovah's Witnesses might be a nice addition.

7:15: Flight attendant takes screamer for a little walk. This only increases volume. But shortly after return, little one quiets down. They must have had a talk about "security considerations". In defense, Dolberry has had to don the headphones & the classic rock channel again. Still on the same loop. I've now listened to enough CSN, Pink Floyd, and late Beatles to experience some sort of secondhand hallucenogenic experience. At one point, I could swear that the baby was screaming in time w/ "Dark Side of the Moon".

7:30: Am really getting bored here. Looking forward to the Italian Beef place at O'Hare w/ probably an undue amount of excited anticipation. This has me thinking of my favorite roast-beef-related sandwiches of all time. Here's what I've got. If I've forgotten anything, let me know.

#8: Quizno's Smokehouse Beef Sandwich. Very good. Kinda pricey though.

#7: Jersey Mike's Philly Cheesesteak. GpD swears by this one. I agree they are excellent.

#6: Regular roast beef w/ homestyle fries at Arby's. Thankfully there's no Arby's nearby Dolberry, or there wouldn't be a plane that could get him off the ground.

#5: The Italian Beef sandwiches at O'Hare: Filled w/ juicy shirt-staining roastbeef goodness and supplemented w/ the gentle tongue-tinging taste of shredded sweet peppers. Also nicely complimented w/ fries.

#4: The hot roast beef and gravy sandwiches we used to get at that lunch place in Hikes Point. I want to say it was called Salmonella's, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't. It was right by that bowling alley that used to be there, if I remember right. Recall going there for lunch w/ Mom & GGma & Junior Dolberry always ordering the hot RB w/ gravy. Mmmmmmm.

#3: Any buffet or wedding reception where there's a guy w/ a funny white hat carving roast beef that you can put on those little buns & scarf down about 14 of 'em.

#2: The Philly Cheesesteaks at BrightHouse Stadium in Clearwater FL. It is impossible to explain how good these are. If it wasn't a 26 hr roundtrip trek to get these footlong slices of heaven on earth, I'd have at least one a day. As it is, I'm counting down the days until I next partake of them. 91.

#1: The sandwiches Mom used to make for my school lunch after we'd have a rump roast for Sunday dinner (if Junior Dolberry didn't eat it all the preceding night). Meat, Miracle Whip, White Bread, & the touch of Mom's love that makes everything just a little bit more special.

7:55: Believe DCV has officially "jumped the shark" w/ the Top 8 roast beef countdown.

8:30: TV had an episode of "The Office". Love that show. "The office is like a jungle. I am like a tiger. And Dwight is like the monkey who stabs the tiger in the back. But we don't know what's in the tiger's mind. We don't have the technology."

9:05: Switched now to the air traffic controller channel. Chicago put us into a hold at 1-3-thousand, 10 mile lanes are approved, tango-echo-delta-delta-yammer (somewhere near Janesville WI), hold Northwest as published. Speed at our discretion. Pretty cool to know (they pilots haven't informed the non-Channel 9 listeners), but doesn't help me much. We are scheduled to be released from the hold at 0247 (9:47). Our pilots didn't complain, but another pilot said "what's gives, clear skies, I can see you from here." ATC says tstorms over NE IN have shut down that corridor.

9:50: Plane lands. Sprint to meet 10pm flight.

9:56: Get to gate E2 (from B6) in a 6 minute sprint ... actually I sprinted about 4 minutes, then walked the last 2... to find the flight had just closed out. Gate agent said, "Oh you're Mr. Dolwick. Yeah, we tried to to go as slow as we could. Sorry." Customer service was of no help. Blamed it on ATC, claimed no responsibility. Booked us on the earliest flight tomorrow (2pm) & put on standby for 630a flight.

10:15: Start the O'Hare allnighter at the only open restaurant (Chili's). First real meal all day. Nothing beats Hot Wings at 10:15p.

11:30: Starts to get pretty quiet.

12:45: Settled into a nice routine here. Lots of vacuuming. Fair number of refugees. I'd say 20 w/in sight. One nice guy also on his way to RDU. Talked some football.

2:00: Now. Not much going on. Rich can walk the moving sidewalk backwards in the wrong direction in 47 seconds. I'm going to beat that.

2:15: Now, now. Pretty dull. My collegeue (need to figure out how to spell that) & I are having an e-mail discussion for the sake of our EPA friends. Every 15 minutes we send another e-mail debating a specific topic. The goal is to have each e-mail become more & more incoherent.

2:55: Getting tired. Thinking about calling C-Lo for place to crash for a few hours. Wish I knew the number. Tried information asking for C-L0 & I got a Carlos Lopez from Oak Park. He wasn't happy to hear from Dolberry.

3:30: OK, here are my PR's for going the wrong way on an O'Hare moving walkway:

backwards: 74 seconds
forwards: 48 seconds
one leg: N/A (fell over)
one leg backward: N/A (fell over)

3:45: Wish I would have taken that flight to Caracas like that guy w/ sunglasses I was talking to in the elevator suggested. Wonder if it's too late ....

4:40: Found a remaining set of chairs w/o an armrest & fell asleep w/ a NY Times over my head as a blanket.

6:00: Wake up. Feeling worse than before went to sleep. Airport has lost it's empty charm as all the vaccumers have been replaced w/ busybee travellers who weave in & out in front and behind me as I walk zombie-like to the restroom w/ my shirt untucked & airport-terminal-seatlines pressed into my face.

6:30: Get some McDonalds. Feel slightly better. Getting a good feeling about this standby flight at 7:34.

7:35: Get on flight as standby passenger #9.

9:35: Land at RDU. Bag even makes it as well.

10:10: Get to work, almost in time for 10am team meeting.

12:00: Go home & sleep for a few hours.

8:30: Updating last blogs w/ pics.

B.U.I.

All right, I'm blogging under the influence (of about 3/4 a glass of beer) so the DCV will likely be even more prone to wild exagerations , incoherent babbling, & flat out prevarications than usual (if that's even possible). Buyer beware.

(Also, it's been pointed out to me that it's not really a "live" blog if it comes on line at 11:30pm. Point taken. I could've live blogged during some of the presentations today (thx to wireless internet magic), but it would've been pretty rude. So, here's a recap of the day.)

(I'm just going to do this whole thing in parentheses. Heh heh heh. That's funny. True dat!

(all times now PST)

6:15: Woke up. Great sleep. Close to 9 hours. Wonder what's so nice about a Hyatt? Six pillows. One person, six pillows. Do the math on that & it comes to about 6 pillows per person. That is hard to beat. Clearly one of the highlights of the trip.

6:45: Spent about 15 minutes looking for the hotel fitness center. Didn't find it, but figured it was a decent enough workout looking for it to count as my exercise for the day. (This lack of effort is probably why the aircraft people had me move to the back of the flight yesterday for "takeoff considerations".)

8:35: Got danish & oj for breakfast.

9:05 Meeting started. California ARB has a really nice office.




1:15: Break for 30 min lunch. This is 4:15p DST (Dolberry Stomach Time). Rush & find a Quizno's & hurry back to mtg.



1:45: Our presentation. All the a.m. presentations were very interesting, and the other modeling ones were really well done. My collegeue suggests I start off w/ the line "All the other presentations were so well done, that we thought we'd take a different tack." I did my six slides. Nobody seemed to be hurt. Got some easy questions, but then one hard question about chemistry that I had to pass on. Turns out you can't just "pass" like on a game show. Who knew?

2:30: Am kinda the EPA spokesperson at the meeting, and Dolberry is enjoying it immensely. This marks about the 4th time, I said "EPA will give that its proper consideration." It rolls off my tongue, I think, more mellifluously than when I hear actual EPA policy types say it. It's a great phrase because it can be applied to any situation (an alternate proposal, suggestion for lunch, suggestion to go to hell, etc.) and it doesn't betray any position you might have toward the "its" in question. Either way, we're giving it the proper consideration. The key is to say it w/ the right amount of pompous gravitas.

4:30: Day 1 of meeting wraps up. Rated a useful expenditure of Dolberry's time, all in all (but that doesn't make for good blogging, so that's why I made up the 2:30 entry.)

4:45: Called home. Great to hear K&A's voices.

5:10: Called one of the Sparkies to wish her a happy birthday. So glad to be related to this particular Sparky (the other one is kinda hit & miss & I haven't formed an opinion on the new one yet.) Aunt Sparky is just a flat out impressive person. Sometime maybe I'll give the "life episode" treatment to KMD & Dolberry's first date when I gushed on & on about how impressive my lil' sis was (& still is) (as are my other sis' too, but it's not their birthday is it. No.). At the time I figured ... lead w/ your strengths ... "Hey, I'm related to someone really cool." Amazed there was a second date, in retrospect.

6:00: Went to a microbrew w/ my SECA friends. All very nice, probably because most of them were from Canada. Canadians seem to be about 35% nicer than your average American. Another one of those conversions to keep track of, I guess.

7:45: Returned to hotel. Asked front desk where the fitness center was. Apparently, it's a FAQ (frequently asked question) because the guy gave me a printed list of directions. There were 6 steps. Looking back, I made it through 4.5 of the steps this morning. It appears I was less than 5 feet from the Fitness Center when I turned around. Tomorrow, I will make that extra five feet.

8:30: Blog is now a live blog at last, because I am blogging right now ... and now ... and now ... still blogging ... Goodnight!

)!

Live blog: Travels w/ Dolberry

Live blogging of Dolberry's trip to Sacramento.

1:15: K&A drop me off at the perpetually-under-construction RDU airport. Sometimes it's good to say goodbye, if only because it forces you to realize how much you love two people & how you really hate to be away from them. Already ready for hello again.

3:10: Flight scheduled to leave at 2:14 departs terra firma. Spend most of the trip working on my presentation for tomorrow that is designed to hide the fact that we haven't really progressed at all on this project since the last meeting w/ our partners in October 2005 (... through absolutely no fault of Dolberry.)


4:25: Requisite cloud shot over Chicago. I think if you look closely, you can C-Lo waving near the upper right corner of the frame. (oops, problems w/ laptop & camera not liking each other ... pics will have to be added later).

5:15: At O'Hare, I experience what I expect to be the highlight of the trip. An Italian Beef sandwich w/ sweet peppers at the Billy Goat kiosk. Say what you will about Chicago (& I have), but the place has a few exceptional foodstuffs.

6:00: Shot of weird terminal C light thingy. That was another thing I liked about Chicago. T'was always a bummer when you didn't have a Terminal C flight.

6:30: Almost miss flight while waiting 8 minutes in a two person line to get a Diet Coke. OK, I'm ready to leave the Windy City now.

7:10: In the air again ... heading west ... judging by how desolate it is below ... I'm guessing we're over Iowa ... a place so dull people have nothing better to do than get obnoxiously proficient at Fantasy Football. Am listening to the United musical selections that are powered by XM satellite radio. Am on the classic rock channel. Someone needs to do some better QC on their choices. They've played "Fly Like an Eagle" which I believe is a theme song for a competing brand to United. Then they did "Broken Wings" by Mister Mister. The song is none to good to begin w/, even when you're standing on the ground, but when Dolberry is 30K feet above the Earth's surface, I don't want to be reminded that wings can break. Keeping on the sadistic theme, they've played Tom Petty's "Into the Great Wide Open" TWICE. Programmer dude, the "great wide open, under the skies of blue, out in the great wide open, a rebel w/o a clue ..." is only a thin metal aircraft skin away from me at present. Jerk.

7:35 Flight attendent makes 2nd announcement requesting that "for security reasons" we should use the lavatory in the compartment we are in (i.e., don't use the first class bathroom, your pee isn't good enough for that.)

8:25 First good song ... Dire Straits "Skateaway". This will probably be the #2 highlight of the trip.

9:05: Pre-write a soon-to-be-published "Life Episodes" DCV entry ... entitled "Berghoff's". Coming soon.

9:50: This stupid channel is on like a 11 song loop. Not that good for a 4hr flight. "So take these broken wings. And learn to fly again. Learn to live so free. When we hear the voices sing. The book of love will open up and let us in." WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MISTER MISTER. THAT MAKES NO SENSE! Seriously, I would like to take the book of love & whap it upside ol' Mister Mister's head.

10:00: OK. There's some games show on the in-flight TV that looks like Hollywood Squares if Hollywood Squares had been left in the fridge too long w/o the lid on. There are about 80-90 squares. It's gonna take forever to get a line of X's or O's. The answer to the current question is "Kofi Kofi Bo Bofi". Wow. Bob Sagat's the host. (Four of the scariest words in the English language when strung together like that.)

10:50: Plane lands in Sacramento ... early.

12:00: Check in at hotel. Bright neon sign right out my window (IMAX). Won't bother me. Goodnight.

Hey, Sorry I haven't blogged much lately.

Not much to say, I guess.

Was an ok week. Have to go on a work trip to Sacramento tomorrow. Maybe I'll blog my trip.

Barkley's 11th anniversary w/ us is tomorrow. Amazing.

Hope all my readers are doing well.


Dolberry

Who votes Louisville 12th? (Four spots below Texas.)

The goofy looking guy on the left. (not to be confused w/ the goofy looking guy on the far right)

Charlie Cavagnaro. Former AD at UNLV. Even more telling, former AD @ Memphis State in the Dana Kirk years.

With only a minimal amount of internet research, I've uncovered the following.

1) This hysterical quote from his days as Memphis State AD after William Bedford had been caught driving a new Jaguar provided by a booster: "'There is no doubt that this is a stiff penalty, but the N.C.A.A. has its rules and regulations and as members of the N.C.A.A. we must abide by them.'' The stiff penalty? A two-game suspension.

2) He prevailed as AD during the period of Dana Kirk. Kept him as coach for three years after coming on board, ultimately firing him a mere two months before a Federal grand jury indicted Kirk on 11 counts of tax evasion, filing false income tax returns, mail fraud and obstruction of justice. (source: NY Times)

3) Went on to be AD of possibly the only school more crooked than the Memphis State of the 1980's. At UNLV, his program got a 4-year NCAA probation for its recruitment of Lamar Odom.

4) He was reprimanded and forced to apologize over allegations (ultimately unproven) that he called basketball players "monkeys and gorillas" and women softball players "dykes in spikes".

5) Perhaps, most telling was his well-publicized attempt to hire Rick Pitino at UNLV. Unfortunately, he dropped Joanne Pitino off at the airport only to find out later that she had to spend 5 hours there alone when her flight was delayed. Pitino announced two days later that he was no longer interested in UNLV. Given what we know of his character this was probably a shrewd move on his part to spend less time around Mrs P. (follow links for sources, this one is same as above)

Don't think that guy might have a small grudge against Louisville? Check out his final CFB rankings:

1. OSU, 2. Michigan, 3 Florida, ..., 7 Notre Dame, 8 Texas, 9 Auburn, 10 Arkansas, 11 Wisconsin, 12 Louisville.

After retiring under pressure from UNLV in 2001, ol' Charlie currently spends his days as ... well try to guess.

Something to do w/ football? Wrong! He spends them by writing a column for the weekly Decatur (TN) County Chronicle, hosting a weekly sports show on WKJQ-FM in Parsons TN and serving as a council chairperson at Parsons First United Methodist Church. This is his 2nd year as a Harris poll voter (the one that counts in the BCS).

The next worst list from a Louisville perspective was the Madison WI sportswriter who had the Badgers 5th and the Cardinals 10th. You couldn't make this stuff up. What a joke.

Enjoy the Orange Bowl, Charlie.

Almost Heaven Indeed!!!!

Christmas memories

Tomorrow, I'm emceeing our church's Christmas party. Without doubt, this is one of the worst appointments since ... well since the hiring of any Cleveland Browns coach since Schottenheimer.

I've been trying to come up w/ halfway clever things to say about Christmas, or any Christmas memories, but it's hard because I am not in the Christmas spirit, not do I intend to be until about the 23rd or 24th. For me, Christmas is a sprint, not a marathon.

All I can come up w/ at this point, so far away from the actual holiday, is that one Christmas eve when we were going to midnight mass, but for some reason we felt we needed to rush and get there by 10:20 to get a seat, & when we walked into an empty church I got off my best line of all time ... "shoot, I guess I did have time to wipe."

But that's probably not appropriate for the crowd tomorrow. Or any crowd for that matter.

So, if anyone can remind me of some other Christmas stories before 5pm tomorrow, I'd appreciate it.

Yay Billikens!

Improve to 5-1 over the Ramblers in a game that was going to be decided on who missed the last free throw.

If they can beat SIU on the road this weekend, we may have something worth getting fired up about.

C-Lo, what'd it look like? Listened on radio. SLU announcers loved Schlib (sp?).

Better than Christmas!

Relient K put two new songs on iTunes today ... in advance of their album being released like 3 mos from now (on KMD's birthday).

The first one will almost undoubtably be a top 10 single & a radio staple this winter. "I Must Have Done Something Right". It's a little too "poppy" to be one of my favorite RK songs, but it'll be nice to have such an unabashedly happy song on the radio. I really wish I had written the opening stanza to KMD last on my last Valentine's day card instead of plagarizing that candy heart w/ "U R Dreamy":

We should make jerseys, 'cause we make a good team.
But yours would look better than mine because you're out of my league.
And I know that it's selfish I hate to tell you that every day
I spend w/ you is a new best day
of my life
Everyone watching us
Just turns away w/ disgust
It's jealousy
They can see
That we've got it going on

Admit it you guys feel that way about the Dolberry / KMD combo. It's ok. We understand.

The second song didn't even make the album cut & I actually like it a little better. Called "Fallen Man", it's more rocking and I think the lyrics are esp. outstanding ... a sample ...

Take a good look at yourself and know
You've got yourself a ways to go
But difficult is not impossible
You can take back all the lost control
Take a good look at yourself and see
That you'll emerge eventually
As long as your heart's not too far gone
From the only thing that can save you from yourself

The best 99 cents you'll ever spend.

Hey, we went to the Hurricanes game tonight

It was a lot of fun, despite the fact the Canes appeared rather lethargic on their way to a 4-1 loss. We scored 2 mins. into the game on kind of a flukish goal, then did nothing the rest of the way. My theory is that it came too easy. Ottawa started working harder to catch up, scored about 6 mins in. Then two more in the 2nd. Then one more in the 3rd. After playing into mid-June, I think it will take until March or so, before the Canes hit full stride this year.

Other than that ... not much up. Am taking Friday off to go Christmas shopping, so if you know what you want, just put it in the Comments section (& I'll forward it to the appropriate party ... for a slight transfer fee).

I'm getting a lot of questions ...

... as to why my blog is pink.

It's not pink. It's cheery vanilla colored. Thank you.

Worst Thanksgiving Ever!

Here are some pictorial highlights of our Thanksgiving w/ the cousins.


This was us watching a C-Span replay because the cable was broken & that was the only channel that worked.



Aunt KMD spent the whole day on the phone w/ her bookie. Things were not going well.



While on the phone, she kinda lost track of how long the turkey had been in the oven. Here's Dolberry after the first bite.

New DCV feature: Life Episodes

As is well-documented, the Dolberry clan left Chicagoland almost a half a score of years ago in large part because of the weather, which is, as the kids say, not good. We entered into the meteorological-equivalent of the witness protection program and all was fine for a long time, but then Dolberry got a little careless. I started watching Skilling on WGN (just for old times' sake). I found myself pulling for -6 standard deviation cut off lows that show up in the Day 6 forecasts from time to time, to actually occur. Worse still I started clicking on NWS sites from offices poleward of 40N. It was just a matter of time. After 9 years and 5 months, Chicago weather has tracked us down & set up shop outside just our very thin & non-storm-proofed windows.

Last hour at the normally heavenly RDU recoding station we were plagued with the following:

Heavy Rain w/ Fog/Mist, Temp =41, Winds N at 22, gusting to 29.


Anyway, while we hunker down & hope the Chicago weather goes back home, I thought we'd start a new feature on the DCV, flourishingly titled "Life Episodes". Basically, it's a roadmap for the lazier of the forthcoming Dolberry biographers. A priviledged glimpse into the people, places, & prompts that made Dolberry! into the larger-than-life figure he is.

Tonight's episode: French Scrabble (cue special font)

Growing up in J-town in the mid-80's, an empty town of obsolete stacks and steeples, it would have been easy for an upper middle class teenage boy to become lost in the tentacled jungle of skateboard culture, the self-immolative nature of competitive Rubik's Cubing, or any number of the green-haired-tinged elements that occupied the fringes of the annual Gaslite Festival. Dolberry might have been yet another nameless name on that unhappy ledger of lost souls, but for the influence of a hardscrabble educator and a good friend. The story starts on an otherwise nondescript Tuesday, with the nondescript event of a teacher returning French quizzes. The overall effort of the class on said evaluation was less than expected from Mr. Richard Ayres, the smirking and respected for it administrator of the quiz. He returned the efforts to the class by flinging the quizzes skyward (well ceilingward) with squalling showers of distain, careful not to touch the papers more than he had to as if he'd retrieved them from the Valley of the Drums site. When he returned Dolberry's paper, he augmented the display w/ a one word derogatory permutation of Dolberry ... "Doltberry".

This was a needed challenge to our young hero. He applied himself to the ancient and poorly-understood arts of French Scrabble. More of a discipline than a sport or a mere game, French Scrabble required a Jedi-focus, an ability to resist the flirtatious manners of Sacred Heart and/or Presentation coeds ("are you sure 'snuggle' isn't a French word?" she cooed sweetly from across the table in a whisper that could barely be heard in the silent library), and at least a nominal understanding of conjugating French verbs. Initially, Mr. Ayres assembled a large and powerful squad populated w/ a merry band of colorful characters that could drop a made up word into the recitation of Greek letters w/ nary a wink.

"Alpha, beta, gamma, zixy, epsilon, ...",
"Are you sure 'zixy' is a word?" she cooed sweetly, though less sweetly than before
"Uh, yeah. That's 52 points."

By far the most momentous member of that freshman squad (maybe it was sophomore ... biographers you'd better fact check that one) was one Stephen Clark, a scrappy kid from the gang-infested St. Martha's parish. At the time, Stephen went by his gang name "Steve", and was the baddest mutha in the cafeteria, at least among us nerds who had to carry trays of the more-respected nerds that shared a table w/ us. Stephen was renowned for his ability to issue an intimidating "DEFI" (french for "challenge") that would leave our opponents drawing letters (fearful to play words) for 2-3 turns afterward. Trinity led by the Dolberry/Clark combo led Trinity to the JV State French Scrabble title in the bellweather year of 1982 (or 1981, I can't do everything for you guys).

After sophomore year, Stephen had completed his foriegn language requirement and had drifted away from the French Scrabble battlefields and into odd electives like Mechanical Drafting w/ Crazy Reverend Jansing. Dolberry soldiered on, pairing successfully w/ numerous collegues (career record: 24-2), but never finding the Lennon-McCartney magic from the early Dolberry/Clark days. Until fate intervened on one Wed. afternoon in the Spring of 1984, when the Rock varsity Scrabble was a player down (mental breakdowns were common due to the stress) hours before the State Championship game vs. hated rival St. Xavier. Attempts to find anyone who knew more than a mere two words of French ('defi" and 'fy") were futile, but the Scrabble Rocks boarded the van to the St. X library known as the "Tiger Pit" with soaring confidence as Dolberry/Clark was back. The board looked bad early as we locked into a defensive small-word battle. The Tiger players tried to goad Dolberry into playing bigger words that would open the board, but Clark proved his worth silencing the unworthy opponents with a withering "You guys are $%@&!&" (possible paraphrasing here) and by vigilantly scanning our 7 tiles for "F" and "Y". Bleakly, the "B" Rock squad (DeMuth/Nevitt) was taking a beating ... early reports had them down by as many as 70 points.

To this day, I don't know where Dolberry drew the power that I drew over that next 20 minutes. "37 points." "26 points." "54 points!" "31 points." One after the other, the big words hit the board from our side of the table. When the bag had emptied the Dolberry/Clark combo, had won in a rout, covering the other table deficit w/ points to spare. As we walked out, under cover of security, the team lifted Clark on their shoulders, a stirring reminder of how just because you take "Mechanical Drafting" and weird English classes where you got to watch movies instead of reading Melville novels under Crazy Father Sans' watchful eyes, doesn't mean you can't be a productive member of society ... and one of Dolberry's best and most treasured friends (to this day).

Old pictures / memories

The old-timey picture in my rival blog the other day had me looking for old pictures from my past. Did find this one of me and George Bush, Dan Quayle, & two other suits at the signing of the Clean Air Act Amendments of 1990. I hadn't even been hired at EPA Region 5 yet, but I went up to the signing looking to make some contacts. I did get a free NEI shirt in honor of the 1981 NEI having just been released that summer. I was talking w/ the NOAA Undersecretary of Glaciers (I believe he was an ex-Ranger), when I heard GHWB say "Hey, we need a regular working stiff in the picture. Hey Dolberry! Come up here for a second."

I asked, "Should I put the cake down?"

The President said, "No, It's fine. But try not to get any crumbs on the bill itself."

That was pretty much how it happened. The thing I remember most was how good the cake was. It was really good cake.

Big thanks to TKMo / Book Review

Big thanks to TKMo for my b-day gift card to Border's which I used to buy a highly entertaining book The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid: A Memoir. I was reading it on the bus & started laughing nearly-uncontrollably at one of Bill Bryson's recollections (the "toity" jar) of growing up in the 50s/60s in Des Moines IA. The laughing triggered a coughing spell, and then my eyes started watering, & it was fortunate I was on a TTA bus, because there were so few around to witness this odd behavior.

Bryson's recollections mostly recount the age of Saturday matinees & walking to school, but occasionally foray into things I remember from youth. His fond skewering of the debacle that was Electric Football alone is worth the outlay (if it's not free for you, like it was for me & my gift card). I was transported back in time to Robbie Livingston's family room and detail-by-detail it was like every "game" we ever played. He had a great riff on model planes as well that Dad would enjoy. Just an amazing book. Kinda sad in the end as he detailed so many strengths of the bygone era & how they were gone forever, but overall just a nice journey back in time. I'll bring it for borrowing over Christmas.

(As an aside on Electric Football, click that link you just passed. Amazingly, people apparently meet for conventions to play others in Electric Football. There a some mind-boggling quotes in there.)

Dolberry's WorkDay in Pictures

Here's my day today in pictures:


6:40 - Left home (was kinda dark, but pleasant enough)

6:50 Got to bus stop. Waiting for bus.

7:30: Get to work. Cautiously optimistic for a Monday.
7:32: Walk into office. Feeling less optimistic.

11:30: Working on Locomotive/Marine RIA. Week already shot to heck.

5:30: Anxiously waiting for bus to take me home.

That was pretty much it. A lot of days are like that. I did get my year-end bonus & raise which was nice, but since there was no oversized check or anything, I didn't get a picture.

On an unrelated subject, my dad sure is a cool guy. He said he'd give me $5 if I said something nice about him on the blog. He may do the same for you if you leave a comment saying nice things about him. Is worth a shot.

If I had a vote ... here would be my CFB Top 12

1. Ohio State
2. Michigan
3. USC
4. Notre Dame
5. Arkansas
6. Rutgers
7. Florida
8. Louisville
9. West Virginia
10. Wisconsin
11. Wake Forest
12. Texas

Funsunny day

We had a great day today. Almost exclusively outside. Cleaned up the front yard. (Back yard tomorrow.) Even better GpC fixed our dryer!

Went fishing in the afternoon. Only caught one fish (a big catfish), but was fun anyway. Some pictures ensue. Have a great weekend everyone!

Hey, the sun did come up today!

A few observations on the game last night:

1) Was impressed w/ Rutgers in every way. I think the final margin was closer than the game really was. And I thought they played w/ real class (helping people up from the pile, no over-the-top gesturing, no personal fouls (except the roughing the punter)). Schiano seemed like a really decent guy as well. And they were able to get their fans off the field after they rushed it w/ one second left. After seeing the way some of the SEC fans & coaches behaved this week, I wonder if how much class a program has is proportional to how long you've been a major player on the CFB scene. I'll be cheering for Rutgers the rest of the way (unless there's still some way UL can get into a BCS game). I think they deserve to be in the argument for the NC game & if they beat WVU in Morgantown, would argue that they should get a chance.

2) Am interested in Petrino's breakdown after looking at film. His early statements seemed to place the blame on Brohm, but it seemed to me that there was NO time to throw. The playcalling seemed odd to me. No plays to the TE for the 2nd game. The only play that seemed to have any traction was the "power sweep" looking play to Kolby Smith, but it didn't work as a deep pitch, which we tried three times. Obviously, getting 2nd and 16 every possession screws up the playbook. I've never seem UL take so many careless penalties (motion, offsides).

3) Excuses: Every team in every sport can make excuses after every loss. It doesn't take away from the Rutgers win, but the WV (home) / RU (away) combo seven days later made for great TV, but it would have been tough for anyone to sweep that DH. And how heartbreaking was it to watch Bush leaving the field as Rutgers drove down for the winning score. Ahhh, what could've been had he not gotten hurt ....

Anyway, am off work, it's supposed to get to 78 degrees here in full sun today, and the glorious Billikens have beaten their two D2 preseason opponents by a combined 81 points, so life goes on.

Corsari

Hey, we bought a new card game called Corsari. It is fun. We'll bring it for Christmas.

Work was tiring this week. I fully realize I'll get no sympathy since it is over & only lasted 3 days, but trust me it was tiring. The highlight was a meeting today where a colleague said that I had used our model to design an attainment strategy w/o regard to whatever was possible "as if I were all-powerful" and I made wizard motions like I was blowing up cities (w/ sound effects)by simply putting spells on them. Like I said it was a long week.

We had mandatory EEO training this week which didn't help. I thought they were talking about mandatory ELO training which wouldn't have been so bad. (Man, I use to like the ELO when I was 12. And I can still tolerate them, which is pretty impressive.) Alas, this was EEO (Equal Employment Opportunity). Who knows why it was mandatory for staff? The one lasting memory I think I'll get out of it was that the instructor said it was not harassment to accidentally bump into someone in the hall while rounding a corner, but if you had a lookout who told you when a potential bumpee was coming & then you purposefully rounded the corner at the right time to cause a collision, that would be harassment. Honest. They actually said that. Who is this 2nd person, who provides the intel on when to round the corner. What is his/her motivation? And, if you are the harassing type, how much harassment can you get in a collision? And isn't this a whole lot of trouble just to effect? Sadly, it was 2.5 hours of my life that is not coming back.

Top 10 expected benefits of having an uncle in the Florida Legislature:

10. Unlimited 50 cent off coupons for Tropicana Low Pulp orange juice.
9. Getting to play left field for the Reds in early March spring training games.
8. No more golfing at public golf courses.
7. Freedom to drive rental car up & down Siesta Key Beach asking people directions to Chili's.
6. Parade in my honor down Tamiami Trail.
5. One free punch to any character at the Medieval Faire.
4. Free 8 x 10 from Katherine Harris signed "No, I don't want to see your hanging C-Lo".
3. Inside track at replacing Max Mayfield as head of the National Hurricane Center.
2. All you can eat Gator Balls at the Crab Shack.
1. Florida State University .... now Dolberry's School of Wingdings.

DCV blog, in association with the Phil Foundation, proudly presents ........ Hazard Hawk and his Friends (1.0)

Once upon a time there was a hawk that lived in a high and comfortable nest mere minutes flight into (and out of) a forest that edged up from a swampy start along the sea. For the first few years of his life, this hawk, called Hazard Hawk by his friends for his rather caution-to-the-winds approach to foraging, led a comfortable existence in the canopy with his neighbors. Northern goshawks are known for their single-minded pursuit of prey and have been know to chase chickens into barns, or bloody their wings in shortcuts through thick foilage, even splash kamikazee-style into the sea in pursuit of unsuspecting ducks. Hazard Hawk took it a step further. The forest storytellers would tell tales of Hazard Hawk chasing rabbits into their holes and exploding upwards in flight seconds later out a separate hole, prey in talon. Certainly, the mythic orientation of these stories were but exaggeration, but well-suited in the easy conversations of the forest for a bird whose approach was beyond the norm.

The forest and the surrounding swamplands were filled with all sorts of creatures: birds, snakes, fish, and mammals of all sizes. And generally there was peace. Everyone adhered to the food chain, but it was done without the malice you generally see captured on the Discovery Channel. The animals spent their days in familiar patterns of sleeping, eating, sleeping, mingling, eating, and then sleeping. And while generally the stories at mingling time were light and airy as the fair weather cumulus that formed on the afternoon sea breeze, gloomy fog-filled afternoons often nudged forward tales of distant darknesses both on top of the sea, as well as east of the sea near the edge of the forested swamplands, areas where animals behaved savagely and in accordance with the ways of Man instead of the ways of animals.

The inhabitants of these tales will come into this story soon enough. It is best at this point to introduce you to a character closer to Hazard Hawk. Certainly it seems strange to us to consider a raptor and one of his potential prey to be friends. But that was the case between Hazard Hawk and Cautious Crow. Just as easily as we might slander one of our best friends behind his or her back (but with even more lasting consequences), be assured that Hazard Hawk would have eaten C.C. without a whiff of guilt had he ever been successful at the ambush. But most of the time, C.C. stood sentinel while Hazard Hawk stalked the local crow roost. Over time the two birds struck up small conversations, then larger ones, 'til gradually they were basically inseparable at mingling time. At least, inseparable beyond the safe distance that C.C. maintained.

The two friends were alike in many ways, but most different in their approach to feeding. C.C.'s caution may have even outpaced Hazard Hawk's recklessness. Whether it was some tasty corn or a grubby worm, the security of the situation governed when C.C. ate. His was a defense first mentality. Hazard Hawk had flown once through a series of thorn bushes in pursuit of an especially plump-looking hare (his preferred dining option) only to stun himself against the trunk of a forgotten maple. But in most things, the two birds were more similar than most of the forest creatures. They were both about the same age, in the second summer since emerging from their mother's nest. They both liked to talk which is not to say that they didn't listen. They both loved the vicariousness of added adventures lived from the other's perspective. Mostly, they both liked to explore. The descriptions of new places visited formed the backbone of most of their afternoon conversations.

"The surf was high again today at the point at the sands where all those fish died last year," cawed C.C. on this particular day just prior to the solstice.

"I've been there. It's not that far." countered Hazard Hawk, not as a challenge, but more as an unneeded reminder. Sandy Point was a geographic street corner of sorts, the furthest jut of sand encountered by Bobbin Creek as it joined the sea. Hazard Hawk instinctively preferred the interior of the forest to the open seascapes and had only been to Sandy Point two times in his young life. The first was in his birthyear summer when he had gotten lost. The second was this spring soon after C.C. had mentioned that the fishing boats had begun to make their way north along the shore and how from Sandy Point you could hear the conversations of the freeloading gulls that accompanied the boats out into the deeper waters.

(will write more later ...)

Our trip to Louisville last weekend / Breeders Cup Picks

As has been mentioned throughout the week, the Dolberry clan went to Louisville over last weekend to see Sweet Mo. We had a great time & came away feeling really blessed to have just a great family ... one that just keeps getting better w/ each addition. (The earlier setups were a tease to increase blog traffic through the week. DCV readership lags toward the weekend. Hey, this blog isn't free. Ok, it is free. But still.)

Maybe we'll make Fridays be request night at the DCV.

CSue from Alaska wanted to know more about Tootsie Rolls. OK, I read thru their recently released quarterly earnings report, they seem to be doing well. Certainly, better than some junk food dealers. (Speaking of which, "Junk Food Junkie" may be my favorite novelty song of all time. DYN: It made it to the Top 10 in 1976. But I only gave this like 5 seconds thought, so feel free to suggest others I'm forgetting.) Back on topic, Tootsie Corp sold $186 million dollars of the stuff last quarter alone. Up 7% from same quarter, last year. Not all is sugar & chocolate, though, Tootsie is concerned about rising costs of Canadian products and costs due to increased labeling requirements by the FDA. I agree that it would be hard to label those tiny little suckers. What is that 1 pt font. Give 'em a break FDA, sheesh, it's a Tootsie, how bad can it be? And if you own 10 shares of Tootsie stock, congratulations my friend, that a cool $5.40 in your pocket.

C-Lo writes ... "Dolberry, your racing picks are an invaluable means of identifying the sure losers in any race. Quit holding out on your Breeders Cup picks, jerk!" Thank you C-Lo. Here they are. Caution: I spent less time on these than on the best novelty song decision. Working backwards from the big race, down to the lesser races.

Classic: Perfect Drift is one of my all time favorite horses (others include: Bombay Duck, Gato del Sol, Cryptoclearance, Badger Land, Unbridled, Thunder Gulch, Smarty Jones, Afleet Alex, Barbaro). He doesn't win that often, but he's always around. He's had success at CD. But mostly for sentimental reasons, I'm looking for the Ted Williams career finish with a two length win in the Classic. In second, I like Invasor, I'll bet the horses in Uruguay were glad to see the last of his 8-wins-in-9-starts butt when he shipped over here. In third, it'll be Flower Alley. This horse has been pathetic his last two outings, but Pletcher screamed a fit when he almost was left out of the field. He must know something. Plus we've got the principle at play here how that last team in March Madness, the one that everyone complains about, always seems to win a game or two. I'd say Bernardini (aka "possibly the next Secretariat" #46) gets 5th.

Turf: 1. Cacique 2. Hurricane Run 3. Red Rocks. (An all Irish trifecta.)
Distaff: 1. Pine Island 2. Balletto 3. Fleet Indian
Mile: 1. Aragorn 2. Echo of Light 3. Rob Roy
Sprint: 1. Henny Hughes 2. Thor's Echo 3. Pomeroy
Filly/Mare Turf: 1. Satwa Queen 2. Dancing Edie 3. Film Maker
Juvenile: 1. Circular Quay 2. Great Hunter 3. Street Sense
Juvenile Fillies: 1. Gatorize 2. Dreaming of Anna 3. Appealing Zophie

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Dolberry!

UL vs. WVU: Inaugural Live Blog

Sports bloggers do this all the time. Am pretty sure it's already cliched. But I'm new to this, so I expect one free pass.

7:24: ESPN Sportscenter leads into the game w/ the countdown clock (5:22 to go). Countdown of Top 10 Big East games features 2 UL losses. How 70-7 over the Cincy Birdstompers didn't make it is beyond me.

7:25: Rodriguez wants WVU to "execute", "be poised", & "play football". He expects Louisville to "make plays". He couldn't've said anything less meaningful if he'd just said the whole thing in Portuguese.

7:28: Have a bad feeling about this game. My prediction: WVU 28, UL 24.

7:29: Majority of ESPN.com voters say an undefeated BEast teams deserved a shot at the championship. Agreed.

7:30: Oh wait. ESPN2 has trick shot pool. Ahh ... probably one live blog is enough.

7:31: If we hurt Pat White, do they have a better QB on the bench again? I'd take it easy on him, just in case.

7:33: I just hope this game's as good as that 23-0 Virginia / UNC game two Thursdays ago.

7:35: Wow. It's official now. That Schellenberger quote ("we're on a collision course w/ a national championship") just passed JFK's "Ask not what your country ..." quote for 4th on the all time most oft-quoted list.

7:39: Holtz says the way to win games is to be the windshield, not the bug, but he picks Louisville, w/ the proviso that they make the field smaller. Probably too late for that now.

7:40: What a ripoff. Now there's a kickoff clock. Boy, if NASA tried to pull this, there'd be Congressional hearings.

7:42: Now there's an interview ...

Erin Andrews: How's Brian Brohm's thumb?
Bobby Petrino: (a little over-enthusiastically IMO) It's great!

7:44: What's the over/under on the Oscar Brohm shot? I have 7:59. Also, I think, given the magnitude of the game, there's a shot ESPN dusts off that LeFors parents spot from a few years ago.

7:45: KMD (she's feeling better today) asked me & I don't know the answer. Who coined "the Ville"? Was that Wiley Brown?

7:47: We're unveiling a new defensive scheme? Never used since 2001 at Illinois? Nothing about that sounds good.

7:48: Finally started. Lucky WVU kick into end zone.

7:49: Both the run and the pass were open on that play action. Douglas for about 20.

7:50: Does anybody have a better straightarm than Mario?

7:51: 5 positive plays in a row! Rodriguez was right.

7:55: Then 3 unsuccessful plays in a row.

7:56: You can't make a field goal by less than that w/o hitting the goalpost. 3-0 Cards.

7:57: Any chance this new defensive scheme involves water cannons?

7:58: WVU doesn't have a single offensive starter from WV?

7:59: UL has only one def howngrown.

8:01: FUMBLE!!!! New scheme. New scheme.

8:03: Brohm is crossing his thumbs at the snap. That doesn't seem like the action of a completely healed player ... or someone who's thumb is "Grrreat".

8:04: Can't do anything w/ the short field. WVU rush is having an impact early.

8:08: WVU fumbled again, but for a 1st down that time.

8:10: UL looked lost on that 2nd and 10, but White airmailed his receiver.

8:11: WVU gets away w/ a hold IMO, then next play 42 yards for a TD. 7-3 WVU.

8:15: At least we made them trail for 6 minutes.

8:16: Mario drops one then Kolby trips halfway way to a 50 yd run. What's going on?!?

8:18: I doubt when Pitino signed up for the booth, he thought he'd get jabbed for barely beating Georgetown College.

8:19: Can we get Bernadini into the booth? C'mon ESPN it's called cross-promotion!

8:21: Big 3rd down conversion: Brohm to Douglas.

8:23: I lost on my Oscar Brohm bet. Wonder if he's jealous losing time to his son's thumb?

8:24: Hey #6, get out of Kolby's way. For your own sake.

8:25: An illegal shift. The most uninformative penalty name of all time.

8:30: Strange not to go for the end zone on 3rd & 13 from the 14.

8:31: FG Cards. 7-6 WVU.

8:35: 2nd personal foul. Is John L. back?

8:38: Corso by phone? Maybe they're planning on tying in Barbaro to promote the BCup.

8:41: Attaway William Gay! A WVU punt.

8:42: 3 straight WVU penalties after Petrino's tirade at refs.

8:43: Near disaster on the pooch punt. Not sure how that ref early signalled UL ... hope WVU gets a call at some point in the game where the league can apologize to them next week about it.

8:46: Hard to moan about a 40 yd gain, but can we get a cleat change at the half?!?

8:48: I like Anthony Allen in the red zone.

8:49: Amend that. I REALLY like Anthony Allen in the red zone. TD Cards!!!!! 13-7 lead.

8:53: Reynaud goes for a big gain. They are too fast.

8:54: There can't be better backs than Slaton. How can a run offense be so explosive?

8:55: WVU doesn't like being behind. 14-13 WVU. I think the only way we win is if WVU makes mistakes. When they made some early, we needed to put 7 on 'em.

8:59: Brohm shows some elusiveness. Big play to Mario. Then Kolby flare gets 10 more.

8:59: Hank Goldberg is IN THE BOOTH!!! The trend is downward to say the least.

9:01: Great pass & catch: Brohm/Douglas on 2nd & 10.

9:02: Anthony Allen time. Now they're going to offsetting personal fouls. I went to a UL-WVU game & a Trinity - St. X. game has broken out.

9:07: Better spot on the 3rd & short. First & goal from the 4.

9:08: WVU smart to call timeout there. Save some time for their offense (which doesn't need much).

9:10: Yes. Could use Michael Bush here. 3rd down time for a pass.

9:13: APD says go. KMD & Dolberry say kick.

9:14: Carmody squeaks another one in. 16-14 Cards, but it doesn't feel good.

9:17: One of the WVU fumbles has to bounce away from them. Rodriguez says WVU needs to "execute" better. Dynamic, dynamic speaker.

9:18: WVU obviously feel the need to work a 2 minute drill. Thankfully. Halftime bloggin break to read the Hobbit w/ APD.

9:42: Back to another 20 yd Slaton run up the middle. I did like how they spelled Rutgers "Rugers" during halftime. Yeah, you have to winning seasons more than once every other decade before we bother to learn to spell you.

9:44: FUMBLE!!! New Scheme. New Scheme! (The new scheme is to let them run until they get tired & fumble.)

9:45: Lights go (half) out?

9:46: No more throwing to Riley. Oh, no wonder he's from Youngstown.

9:47: Classic. Petrino's yelling at the booth official.

9:49: Another fumble. (New scheme!) TD Louisville!!!! If the video ref overrules this, Petrino won't be the only one going after him.

9:50: 23-14 Cards. Now what? Another flag. On the PAT. This is weird. ESPN talked over penalty, but was decined so I guess well never know.

9:55: Doesn't look dark at all on TV. Slaton's arm being worked on. They can't have someone better, can they? Not again.

9:56: Illegal shift on WVU. Shot of Rodriguez cursing on sideline. Something about #$%&#$ execute!"

9:57: Harris explodes the big fullback!

9:58: WVU punt. White limping now.

9:59: TD CARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 30-14. I haven't seen a turnaround like this since, uh, last year's game.

10:00 White is really limping. This could be over.

10:03: White looks ok (9yd run). Slaton is getting closer to field.

10:04: Sans Slaton ... WVU seems to have ... one play. White up the middle. At least, for them, it's a good play.

10:06: Big missed face mask on UL. Saves Cards 15.

10:07: White gains 15 on next play.

10:08: Key on White. Backup RBs are nothing.

10:10: Pat White is pretty good. Vickish. The good Vick.

10:11: At least this WVU drive is taking up time.

10:12: WVU scored TD. Going for two? Nope. 30-21.

10:13: Time of possession has turned around in this half, to say the least.

10:14: Oscar must've sold his tix on e-Bay.

10:15: Herbstreit wonders (rightly) why Slaton can stand there & hold the ball & have people hack at it, but he can't come in. This isn't helping his Heisman chances for next year. His PR people / handlers / whatever need to get going & spin this better.

10:19: Great catch by Douglas for a quick 25.

10:20: Sweet checkoff by Brohm. Youngstown dude does better. A quick seven here would be nice.

10:25: 37-21 Urrutia!

10:28: Slaton? I say Slacker. He just didn't feel like playing for a quarter ... then catches that pass?

10:30: Nobody gets up by 16 on Steve Slaton! He won't stand for it. "We're down by 16? Let me in." If they'd've stayed down by 9, would he have kept resting?

10:31: Unreal. Another blitzkrieg TD drive by the Mountaineers.

10:32: Somebody apparently explained ... I mean executed ... the math to Rodriguez, but the conversion fails despite UL plying a man down.

10:33: Whoa this blogging is exhausting. The infrequency of posts between 10:20 and 10:28 was due to a call from SC. When do real bloggers take pee breaks?

10:35: I believe Herbstreit just said Petrino is normally mild mannered on the sidelines. Huh? Over 800 yds of offense. I was wrong on the no shootout.

10:36: That's what we're taking about. No conservative playcalling. Let's get 20 right out of the gate.

10:37: Brohm's had a quiet, awesome game.

10:38: WVU D defines bend, bend, bend, try not to break. You can have that 15 yard pass if you want, apparently. OK, first & goal from the 4, again. This could be the game.

10:39: DOUBLE-A is OK. Allen plows thru a tired looking WVU defense. 44-27 Cards! Start working on that onside kick defense.

10:42: Next guest in the booth. Tom Jackson. We're cool w/ that. Called this THE biggest game in UL history. Agreed.

10:45: Slaton tackled for BIG loss.

10:46: This is a long way from the days of sitting in the bleachers at Cardinal Stadium & being down 35 at halftime.

10:47: Good thing UL got a timeout there, given the WR was ... uncovered ... to be charitable.

10:49: Scroll says WKU is going to 1-A in 2009. Bad news for the KittiCats & their stranglehold on 2nd best team in the state.

10:49: 4 & 10, down 17, 7:20 left. Check.

10:50: Stopped 'em short! Weird WVU playcalling all of a sudden. I think Tom Jackson may be responsible.

10:52: Time to finish.

10:53: 16 in a row at home? What's it like going to a game for 2.5 straight years w/o a loss. I think my folks may be up to .500 after those games in the 70s & 80s.

10:56: Is Rutgers, er Rugers an ambush. Originally, I thought so. Now I'm hoping the momentum from this will be a boost.

10:57: Where will UL be ranked? Gimme a break. Clearly #3.

10:59: Fowler was right. Best UL special teams showing of the year. Helped that WVU had a dyslexic punter, apparently.

11:01: Um, memo to UL defense. Watch #10. Pretty good player. Might want to cover him.

11:02: I'm having seriously Elway vs. Browns flashbacks here. White cannot be tackled behind the line of scrimmage apparently.

11:04: Over 1000 yards now as White scrambles for score. 44-34 Cards. (If they counted the yards White ran sideways, the two teams would have over 2000 yards.)

11:06: UL installed collapsible goalposts? They must have misunderstood Holtz' directive to shorten the field.

11:07: Nice. Highlights of the 2002 FSU game.

11:08: Bring on RUGERS!

11:10: Who had 11:10 for the first Pittsnogle reference?

11:10:30: Who had the past 10 seconds for the 2nd & 3rd Pittsnogle references?

11:11: Bernardini the best horse since Secretariat? These guys are ready for this game to end.

11:13: Students appear to be edging closer to field ...

11:15: WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! GmD holding the phone up at the end brought a little tear to my eyes. Feel really good for all longtime Cards football fans (GpD, GmD, SC, Nathan, Gleischners, TKMo, Rachel, CSue, everyone else I'm forgetting, & me).

11:20: Wiped out. But since it was good luck, might have to break out the live blog next week ... vs. Rugers.

11:21: Which ESPN has the clock countdown for next week's game? (Remember to add about 8 minutes to it for actual kickoff.)

11:24: Classy post-game interview from Brohm. As befits a THS grad. Though, he mispronounced "Rugers".

11:36: Newscheme!

APD's report card

I'm about halfway through my tirade re: this past weekend. Had our team softball party tonight though, which took me away from the task. Tomorrow.

Oh, on softball, I feel really fortunate to have such good friends.

APD dominated in the first quarter getting straight A's and making the honor roll. He got A pluses in Science, Spelling, History, Grammar, & Bible; and A's in Reading and Math. His teacher had lots of good things to say about him as well.

Yikes, the beautiful KMD is sick still (nausea).

Halloween 2006

All right ... I'm still not sufficiently recovered to fully vent my bile re: this past weekend, but rest assured those responsible will be fully taken to task in a later blog entry. I will say, as covered over at that other blog, the highlight of the trip was seeing longtime DCV blog reader Joe L. during the third hour of our detention at J.C. Penney's portrait department.

Instead, I will distract my attention w/ a recap of tonight's Halloween festivities here. APD went as the Weather Wizard who is a HeroClix character. The get up consisted of his weather map sweatshirt (provided by Gm D many years ago), a bandanna w/ a tornado on it, and his baseball pants (?). Oh yeah, and gloves that say soccer on them. No pictures were taken. He said three treat-dispensers pegged him as a meteorologist, which didn't bother him much, but does leave me a little concerned. Which channel has the weather dude who wears baseball pants?

OK, here's a countdown of Top 5 APD treats received tonight:

#5 I thought these would be #1, but there were only 9 of these in his overflowing bag.

#4 There were 10 of these.

#3 You know how we call football, soccer & the rest of the world calls soccer, football? Well, that pales in comparison to how we call the #3 treat this, but the rest of the world thinks this is this. I think that may be the most single fascinating thing of this entire blog to date. I think Americans would like these better if more of us knew the rest of the world was mistaken in what these are. Either way, there were 12 of these in the bag.

#2 The candy that taught us all that sometimes accidents can be good things. 14 were received, or about two days worth of calories for a averaged-sized adult male.

#1 Is there anything else that was first created in 1896 that is still the most popular item in its category in 2006? A whopping 17 were received.

You Tube link of the night: snippet of Relient K's new song, Devastation and Reform, performed live in Houston. Their new album, Five Score and Seven Years Ago will be released on 3/6/2007, and if this song is any indication this could very possibly be the second best March 6th ... ever.

World Series ratings (& why they don't matter)

I will blog about our trip north to see Mojo tomorrow. Rest assured, my grievances re: the trip will be fully aired. Until then ... some miscellaneous thoughts. OK, one picture.

If it's late October, the only things more prevalent than ridiculous halloween costumes, are the scores of articles documenting how poor this particular year's World Series ratings were (e.g., this one). Most of the articles written lamenting the dropoff in viewership are written by diehard baseball fans who try to use the poor ratings in an attempt to shame baseball into making it more like it was in the 1950s (e.g. afternoon games, fewer rounds of playoffs, fewer commercials, fewer pitching changes, starting in early October, etc.) I'm in favor of all these things as well, but it's tilting at windmills to think any of 'em are coming back. Of course, the ratings do not matter. Unlike during the classic 1975 Red Sox - Reds world series (why is there a DVD in his pants is my question), there are a just-short-of-infinite number of entertainment choices these days. There are more than three television networks, (though only one really matters). You can customize your own radio stations (here's mine). You can watch promotional videos from New Zealand's travel bureau. It's different then when I was young, then you had to hope the things you liked were popular, or you would never see them on TV, radio, etc. Now everything is available. And accordingly, everything has a smaller piece of the pie. America is way more diverse than it was in the 70's. Some people prefer Bollywood films, Brazilian soccer, or TV personalities learning to dance. I wonder if given all this individual variety whether we have enough in common any more to come together as has happen in our past. But to get back on track, low World Series ratings are ok by me. Low ratings yields less TV money which could yield a multitude of good things (e.g., less TV influence, less extravagant salaries, no more sites like this, fewer happenings upon Pete Rose hawking stuff on QVC, etc.) As it is, I get 4 different ESPNs as it is. It'll be a long time before the games aren't available to those of us who still like it just fine, even if it's not perfect.

Nice to have "c-lo" added to the growing list of DCV readers. He requested a You Tube link to each of the Top 30 songs in the countdown. In place of that, as a solid downpayment upon when I get more proficient at this, I will provide a single You Tube link to a video for a song that's not even on the countdown. It is a different song from Jars of Clay who holds our current #1 spot w/ a different song. The song is "Work" and it's even better than "Dead Man (Carry Me)". The video's pretty cool. I've been meaning for a while to write a review for "Good Monsters" but am still cautious dating back to the last time I wrote an album review ... in the finest high school newspaper in central St. Matthews. I was writing a review of the album Worlds Apart by the progressive Canadian rock band (& Rush wannabes), Saga. I had rented the album from the library. Enjoyed it thoroughly & wrote a glowing review. And in the only piece of feedback I ever got from an Echo article was from some kid in the cafeteria, "You like Saga? You're a fag." So, I'm sorry. No more reviews. I'm still healing. Until then, here's a review of Good Monsters that I liked and hereby endorse. Line of the album: "Not all monsters are bad but that ones that are good never do what they could."

Worst ending to softball season ever

Monday: Law Office #3 loses 18-3 in less than 4 innings vs. #2 Fossils. Dolberry only bats once in the slaughter & pops out to LF. Also had an E5.

Tuesday: TarHeel Mortgage #5 loses to #1 seed (24-13), then immediately falls in loser's bracket game (21-14). Dolberry had his best game of the week in G1 when didn't bat & only played catcher for a few innings. In G2, I went 0 for 2, inc. a few embarrasing fouls where I almost missed the ball. (Good "d" at 2B, though, for a change.)

Wednesday: Law Office loses to #4 seed 21-11 after being tied at 11 thru 5 innings. Dolberry exited game for ER after a needless, shoulder dislocating, diving stop on an IF single from the 2nd batter of game.

Recap: 4 games, all loses, no hits. I need to get better at this, if I'm going to keep doing it.

(Got a ride to the ER. Shoulder spasmed a few times, but not as bad as usual, then while registering at the hospital, it popped back into place, saving us some $. I was able to get back to the game before it ended. Fine now. Hard to sleep, though ... achy & stiff.)

NOAA's Waterloo?

Mildly humorous story today as an environmental group staged a protest at NOAA headquarters claiming some scientific debate on global climate change is being surpressed by NOAA management at the behest of the Bush administration. This has been percolating for a while and is well summarized here.

I won't get into the politics of that. The interesting thing to me is the nature of NOAA management these days. It can be argued that four of the top six NOAA managers are ex-military. The administrator is a Vice Admiral. He's flanked by a Brigadier General, a Captain, and another Brigadier General (whom I've met & who is a nice guy). None of the four are meteorologists by degree. (Even the general counsel is noted as a Civil War buff.)

While I respect the military & ex-military (one in particular) & realize there's a long history between meteorology & the armed forces, this seems a little excessive to me. Plus, I don't understand why they still must be referred to by their military titles. (Dad, if you can explain this to me, I'd appreciate it.) It seems to me CEOs, deans, even U.S. Presidents shed their titles when they move on from the organization where they earned those titles.

What puzzles me most though is w/ this many ex-military officers, how were our HQ invaded by a group of treehugging wackos armed with nothing more powerful than strongly worded pamphlets on eco-friendly paper? Then, after having unfurled their flag in our territory, were allowed to retain the high ground for over 4 hours before being removed by ... a cherry picker. For heaven's sake, a cherry picker. Unacceptable. Acceptable means of removal would have involved water cannons, rubber bullets, and/or smoke grenades. It's time for a change in Silver Spring. Paging Stormin' Norman.

Crazy Day

Barkley's been getting sicker. Barely moved yesterday. Can tell back legs are going. She has a hard time hearing too. This morning we woke up to find she bled overnight on our bedroom carpet & APD's carpet. We took her to the vet, expecting the worst, but the vet was pretty nonplussed & after blood work concluded some pain medication & antibiotics (for the wound) would do the trick. She ate well though today & even gave the Papa John's guy whatfor when he dared ring the doorbell. Regardless, there are going to be some hard days ahead, I believe.

Today was also Grandparents Day at APD's school. Great to have Gp C there, but sad sad memories of missing Gm M. It was on this day last year, that she really started to slip, having to be rushed to hospital kinda incoherent.

On top of all that Gp C's car died at Grandparent's Day & had to be towed back to Pittsboro, which may end up costing as much as the vet visit.

Today was also my volunteer day at Apex Elem doing my "Plot That Storm" thing in the morning, then tried to fit a full day of work into the remaining half day. By the end of the day, the Dolberries were wiped out.

Apex Fire II:

Under the category, "funny if not kinda sad", a barrel of sodium metal burst into flames yesterday after the water reactive substance was allowed to sit out in the rain. This has slowed down the cleanup.

Thanks to the good folks at: http://www.jtbaker.com here's the lowdown on our friend sodium metal:

SAF-T-DATA(tm) Ratings (Provided here for your convenience)
Health Rating: 3 - Severe (Life)
Flammability Rating: 3 - Severe (Flammable)
Reactivity Rating: 3 - Severe (Water Reactive)
Contact Rating: 4 - Extreme (Corrosive)

Not something you want to ingest. "Will react immediately with saliva to cause serious burns and possible local combustion and even explosion of hydrogen in the mouth or esophagus." I checked ... this is not how Pop Rocks works. Interestingly, according to snopes.com, General Foods had to conduct a major PR campaign in 1979 to assure a worried public that you could not blow up from mixing Pop Rocks and soda.

I'll bet Krusty Brand Boom Rocks © uses the sodium metal.

Here's a picture of APD & I post-toxics inhalation. They say the antennae will fall off in a few weeks.

Dolberry Giveaway!

All right, in an attempt to increase blog traffic, the Cheery Vanilla staff have decided to run a promotional giveaway. Free ... to the first responder in the comments section ... a Torino 2006 Playstation 2 game. This game, according to the back of the box, allows one to "experience the chills and thrills of competing in the Olympic Winter Games." It won the prestigious "Poor" rating from the IGN.com reviewers. It currently retails for $6.49 on e-Bay.

APD & I won this as part of an NBC Olympics promotion. During the Torino games, one could play these skiing & bobsled games online. If you finished in the Top 3 of an event on any given day, you won a prize: 3rd place was a NBC Olympics hat, 2nd place was the Torino 2006 game, 1st place was a $100 VISA check card. Since both APD & I have somewhat obsessive personalities, we got pretty good at the game after about 2 weeks of mostly non-stop wasting time on the internet, er, practice. We ended up getting one 2nd place & two third places.

Harder than that was actually claiming the prizes. We got called by the independent verification firm three times to ensure our eligibility for these prizes valued at (approximately) $14.63. They came in the mail today. Picture shown above. The hats are sweet, but alas we do not have a PS2, so not much point in keeping the game.

Someday I hope the time spent on this blog will payoff as grandly ...

Softball Update

We're in the tournament (Cary A/B fall league). We are #3 seed in a 7 team tourney. We won last night 18-7, despite my cool 0-2 off the bench. Play the #2 seed tomorrow night (who narrowly edged #7 seed 18-17).

Here's a picture of Cherish & APD, just so this entry wasn't a total waste of time.

Apex Fire: debate over impacts still smolder

It's been a week since the Apex diaspora of 2006. We were some of the estimated 4,000 to evacuate (out of some 17,000 asked to evacuate). The post-fire fallout may ultimately be more interesting than the fire itself.

The usually excellent News and Observer will have a big article tomorrow on the now controversial Environmental Quality facility and how it has quietly existed in Apex for several years & how it all went wrong last week.

It's been a confusing week though for us residents though, given the mixed messages re: the long-term impacts. On the side of "No worries, mate ..." were the EPA and NC environmental testing which concluded that little toxic material went outside the facility's boundaries. On the side of "Not so fast ..." were the independent consulting firm results that showed mercury and heavy metals in the filters of a nearby facility (kid's gymnastics) and the chair of the NCSU toxicology department who encouraged everyone to thoroughly wash everything that was outdoors that night and replace all filters.

It's hard to know what to think. However, my already-sufficiently-addled-without-the-help-of-toxic-chemicals brain has settled upon two main conclusions.

First, government regulation continues to be a good thing. Probably the single biggest downside to my job is constantly being engaged into conversations (while off duty) about "big government". Some people feel there are too many regulations, taxes, laws, government workers, entitlements, etc. (Ed. note ... it is NOT MY DOING. Your vote counts the same as mine.) But, the need for these things was brought home for me again while watching Scott Maris (EQ VP of something) deflect IMO valid criticisms of a hazardous waste holding facility not having: a) a fire suppression system and/or b) 24/7 on-site staff. His simple contention was (paraphrasing) "we weren't required to have those things". It seems fairly clear that in a functioning citizenry that there will be times in which various groups have competing, equally understandable, interests (e.g., profit vs. safety). All parties are best served when there is an agreed-upon, clear set of rules governing these situations. Please note that all future debates that Dolberry is goaded into on this subject will be accompanied by an airplane spin toss, a back rake, and possibly ... an atomic drop.

Second, ignorance continues to be bliss. It was nice not knowing EQ was storing mercury and nitroglycerin less than a mile away. It would be nice not to know that there could be residual toxics in the dust that continues to accumulate on our treadmill. I'll bet there are thousands of things that I should be glad I'll never know.

One thing I don't know is if ignorance = bliss, does bliss = ignorance; and if so why is Dolberry so happy? Wait. Don't tell me.