By their nature, most DCV "Life Episodes" will be happy recountings of various Dolberry triumphs. They will be stories that, if you didn't know the subject, could appear to border on folklore, or possibly consist of something less than full veracity (though if anything the presentation will be understated). There'll invariably be a hero ... typically Dolberry. Sometimes there'll be a villian. Generally, the location will be an everyday venue that are often populated by the everyday readers of the DCV. Maybe J-town. Maybe Apex. This one's from Chicago & unlike most DCV episodes it's a decidedly unhappy tale.
Dolberry was a strapping young lad making his way in the rush & bundle business world of downtown Chicago. Specifically, the 26th floor of the (i forget the name) building. First job out of school, drawing down the serious dough that comes the way of Environmental Protection Specialists (for reference: the panhandlers in the El tunnels were doing better on most days). The work was hard ... trying to bring to completion EPA's approval of the State of Wisconsin's SO2 attainment plan. The plan had been submitted sometime shortly after Wisconsin had been admitted into the Union and had been languishing at EPA ever since. Approval was complicated by the fact that most of the facilities originally subject to the plan had gone out of business in the Depression. And while you think that might make it easier to conclude those facilities no longer posed a threat to air quality in Badgerland, you'd be wrong (for reasons Dolberry never understood).
Anyway, visitors were common to the big city. Dolberry's high rise luxury appartment overlooking Lake Michigan was frequently employed by some of his, well, "thriftier" relatives as free board for mini-vacations. I was ok w/ that ... sometimes it's hard to know when your generous nature is being stretched. But all that is a but a long prelude to the story at hand. One busy Novemeber Friday at the Region 5 offices, Dolberry was knee deep into the plan for limiting emissions from a Kenosha AMC plant that made Gremlins (the cars, not the fuzzy things you shouldn't get wet) sometime in the mid-70s before going bankrupt, when an interruption intruded ... some relatives were in town & wanted lunch. And not just lunch ... they wanted German food ... because it was Oktoberfest. (The only thing more confusing than the WI SIP to me is how it can be Oktoberfest in September, or April, or any other month they want.)
I've thought long & hard about this and DCV management has decided not to name names for this "Life Episode". I believe the culprits know who they are and the more respectable of them probably feel some guilt about their association w/ the whole ugly episode. (Though, some of them are probably beyond hope. Sis, I'm looking at you here.)
We went to Berghoff's, a travel guide favorite, but a real dump of a place. We had some pedestrian strudel or dumplings or whatever it is that Germans eat, & all was tolerable until the bill comes. Can you believe it ... these freeloading squatters believe Dolberry should pay?!? Fortunately, I had sold some blood for some extra money earlier in the week & while I was hoping to use that money for repairing the hole in the bottom of my shoes, especially noticed after an earlier snow. I had $35 bucks in my wallet & the bill came to $33.84. (You'd be astonished how many dumplings those guys could put down.) The waiter came for the bill & I gave him everything I had. I shot him a glance ... a furtive and ultimately futile non-verbal attempt to convey my situation hoping the pale bloodless non-glow of my face would yield some sympathy.
I should have known better. His name tag read ... "I'm Adolf SChott. I'm your server, ya," I don't think he spoke any English. Upon being confronted w/ the meager but totally acceptable tip he erupted saying "Nein!" "Nein tip!?!" "Das Boot!" "Nein tip! "Auf Wiedersen to you, dirty Yank." Dolberry doesn't like to further stereotypes so that's why I quoted him directly ... with his scathing rebuke ... words that left me so mortified that they remain etched in my cerebellum to this day. Were my dining parters equally mortified? In a word, no. They were still laughing as they picked up their Bloomingdale's bags on the way out of the restaurant.
Fifteen years later, a lot of things have changed. Berghoff's finally got shut down by the Health Dept. Dolberry is a ZP-4 which despite being one less than a GS-5, allows our hero to tip steadfastly at 30%. The Dolberries don't get as many visitors any more (once you've seen the Apex Chemical Plant Fire site once, there's not much left to see). SOme visitors even race past Apex on their way to the beach (bypassing their Bro in lieu of 10 minutes more at the beach. Again, -athy, I'm looking at you.) Another thing that has changed, and this is tragic, is the telling of the Berghoff's story. It has been cynically spun by the guilty into a legend of a maybe-too-eager-to-impress 20-something and some really bad math. Dolberry and the DCV would like to set the record straight here.
About the only thing that hasn't changed is that the Wisconsin SO2 SIP still resides at the Region 5 offices ... approval pending.
4 comments:
We had to visit you in your Chicago high rise for fear that the heath department might become involved. (You did kind of have a dirty dishes problem). Oh, and one more thing, those Bloomingdale bags were heavy. (A true superhero would probably have helped a bit!)
Love ya anyways, bro!
Kathy
Well, I'm happy to say that Annette and I had a much better lunch yesterday with your parents at the Grand Lux Cafe.
Only one worthwhile anecdote worth sharing: The restaurant is on the second floor of the building; the lobby is used to take names for tables and pass out pagers to waiting patrons. Once your pager goes off, though, your table is not ready. It merely means they want you to go stand at the bottom of the escalator and wait with everyone else whose pager has gone off. This wait is typically as long as the wait for the pager to go off itself.
At any rate, after our pager had gone off and we were informed of the second-waiting policy, we were dutifully positioned at the bottom of a very crowded escalator area with a number of other agitated, would-be diners. A group behind us had their pager go off, but they were unaware that this merely meant they would be told to go wait by the escalator. A woman looking to be 80 years old shoved her way past your Mom, who turned to see what was happening. The octogenarian then told your Mom that if she looked at her again, she'd shoot her. Happy Holidays from Chicago.
Chad
Great story.
Why do I suspect Tank Johnson was somehow involved in this?
I love Chicago!
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