Tomorrow, I'm emceeing our church's Christmas party. Without doubt, this is one of the worst appointments since ... well since the hiring of any Cleveland Browns coach since Schottenheimer.
I've been trying to come up w/ halfway clever things to say about Christmas, or any Christmas memories, but it's hard because I am not in the Christmas spirit, not do I intend to be until about the 23rd or 24th. For me, Christmas is a sprint, not a marathon.
All I can come up w/ at this point, so far away from the actual holiday, is that one Christmas eve when we were going to midnight mass, but for some reason we felt we needed to rush and get there by 10:20 to get a seat, & when we walked into an empty church I got off my best line of all time ... "shoot, I guess I did have time to wipe."
But that's probably not appropriate for the crowd tomorrow. Or any crowd for that matter.
So, if anyone can remind me of some other Christmas stories before 5pm tomorrow, I'd appreciate it.
7 comments:
I had forgotton this. Too funny. Maybe you could relate what a hit it was the year we all got The Lives of the Saints book from Santa (being the religious crowd and all.)
Remember the time when your family was going to Europe for the Holidays and the alarm clock failed to go off on time? In a mad rush to make the plane they left you behind; home alone. Oh, wait, that wasn't you. What about the time you rode down to Whoville and stole all the presents...no? I've got nothing.
You do remember your Optomist (ic) dad selling Christmas trees on a bitter, cold, frosty evening at Hike's Point trying to make sure Tiny Tim had a nice Christmas, and how much anti-freeze it took to keep him (The Optimist) from freezing into an ice berg, don't you? God rest ye merry gentlemen!
LOL. I DO remember that. That story's probably even less suitable.
I think I may go w/ the other xmas tree story w/ the costly IOU. I don't remember all the details, but that usually only improves the story.
That was the year we were all a little put out that we didn't even have a tree on Christmas tree so Dad went alone (or at least without me) and all of the places were closed down but over at Bowman Field. They were closed but had left two trees sitting there. Dad took one and left a note with his phone # and said let me know what I owe you. They called him after Christmas and said he owed them $50.00. (YOu could make it $100.00 for effect).
Speak of the different traditions that all families have and cherish at this time of year, Non-negotialble traditions like sauerkraut balls! Treasure the memories of Christmas pasts when even the vegetarians among us ate the sauerkraut balls not realizing they had ham(or ground baloney) in them. I too say,"God rest ye merry gentlemen!" G'Ma
Remember when one certain brother and law (not you Tim), ruined Christmas with the winning lottery ticket(faux). We thought for sure we would spend the next Chrismtas in Europe and we wouldn't leave anyone behind. BTW, I can't wait to make more memories this year. Tis the season.
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