DCV Top Bands of the 80's: 15-11

15. Prince

Hey, did the diminuitive Purple One rock the Super Bowl or what? That was seriously impressive. For whatever reason, I associate Prince with my days as a lifeguard at Woodhaven. There's not much to be said about Prince that hasn't already been covered, so let's reminisce about my days as a lifeguard.

Q. Did you ever save anyone?

A. Not really. I got in the pool once. A little kid had bounced to a part of the pool from which he could no longer bounce up to get air. I think someone would have gotten him if I didn't.

Q. Were the kid's parents appreciative?

A. Not really. The mom seemed a little put out by my interruption of her book.

Q. Did all the girls hangout by the lifeguard stand when you were the guard?

A. Not really. The main person who hung out by the stand was Kent Maguire and he was usually trying to throw my stuff (clothes, radio, etc.) into the pool.

Q. Why do you suppose no girls hung out by you.

A. Not sure. I was very concerned about not getting sunburned while lifeguarding. As a result, I wrapped myself from head to toe in an oversized towel in an attempt to avoid the sun. I looked like Katherine Hepburn in her reclusive days.

Q. What was the hardest part of being a lifeguard?

A. No doubt it was the lifeguard test. You had to do all sorts of odd tests to qualify for this minimum wage job. For instance swim 800 yards in under 15 minutes ... somewhat overkill for a pool where it was about 18 yards to the farthest point from the chair. Plus, you had to rescue strange guys at the test. Ugh.

Q. Did you ever do anything really foolish as a lifeguard?

A. What a strange question. But yes. On one cool, cloudy day late in the summer when pretty much every fun thing one could do at Woodhaven (and those days are very special to me ... no better place to be a youth in the summer) had been exhausted ... David Orwick & Brian Maguire talked me into (or I talked them into) tying a lane line from the lifeguard chair to the high dive ... upon which they tried to dive over it from the low dive. There was probably a 35% chance of breaking your neck doing so, but they didn't, which is probably a good thing from all perspectives, including that of the Woodhaven insurer.

Q. Was that last sentence 6 lines long?

A. Yes, it was. I wrote that sentence like it was 1999.

Best songs: Let's Go Crazy, Sign O' the Times, Little Red Corvette

Worst song: Kiss

14. Flock of Seagulls

All right, I got on Bon Jovi for getting into the top 20 despite only having one good song. It turns out now if you had one really good song PLUS the best hairstyle of all time, you can get into the Top 15. Despite shooting their seminal "I Ran" video in a Shillito's dressing room, the Flock drew widespead acclaim w/ the hairstyle of Mike Score (a former hairdresser).

I frequently wore this hairstyle at SLU, mostly on Friday nights. Was it a desperate appeal for attention? On my part, probably. Not sure on the Flock of Seagulls part. I still break out my Flock do on occasion. I wore it once to work about two years ago & people still talk about it. Maybe for the beach. Anyway, I liked the Flock's second single as well, but not enough people did, & unlike Dolberry (& his considerable charisma), the Flock didn't have anything beyond the hairstyle to maintain attention and kinda faded away.

Best songs: I Ran, Wishing, Space Age Love Song

Worst song: none really distinguished themselves enough to be noticed

13. Warren Zevon

Believe it was the estimable Tom Menke who turned me on to Warren Zevon. He had a live album & remember us frequently rocking out to "Poor Poor Pitiful Me" and "Excitable Boy" among others. Along w/ Etienne, really enjoyed his 80's stuff. The guitar solos in "Sentimental Hygiene" (which I believe are played my Neil Young) are legendary shredders. The haunting "Spendid Isolation" called out Michael Jackson before most of us realized he was a certifiable loony. The whole Sentimental Hygiene album (backed by R.E.M.) is one of the best of the 80's. Etienne, Dolberry, & some friends from Region 5 saw him in a show in Chicago. Good deal. Possibly one of the most clever songwriters of all time, Zevon died way too early in 2003 of mesothelioma. On Letterman, he famously intoned "that he may have made a mistake in not seeing a doctor for over 20 years" and advised all of us that would outlive him "to enjoy every sandwich". Thanks Warren. Will do.

Best songs: Sentimental Hygiene, Poor Poor Pitiful Me, Bad Karma

Worst songs: I didn't like some of the acoustic treatments on his live album, but that's quibbling.

12. Dire Straits

Their 1985 album Brothers in Arms has sold 25 million copies worldwide. Really big album. I will forever associate the song "Walk of Life" with my first ever shoulder dislocation (shoulder dislocation counter 000014) as it was playing on the radio as we drove to the ER. Their pre-80's stuff was really good as well. Following the monstrous success of Brothers in Arms, Mark Knopfler and Co. made the questionable business decision of not releasing another album for 6 years.

Best Songs: Money for Nothing, Sultans of Swing, Tunnel of Love

Worst Song: Calling Elvis

11. Bruce Springsteen

There are probably millions of people who like Springsteen more than I do, but even still the amount that I like him is enough to get him to 11th in the DCV rankings. My #1 memory of Springsteen was one night listening to WLS (out of Chicago) and hearing them debut the first single of Born in the U.S.A. which was "Dancing in the Dark". Remember being relatively unimpressed, but that was probably the worst song off the whole thing. I guess real Springsteen fans look down on this period, but for my money there's no better feel-bad-for-yourself-'cause-you-got-no-girlfriend then "Downbound Train". I got ample use out of that song through most of my SLU days.

Best Songs: Thunder Road, Glory Days, The Rising (each from three separate decades)

Worst Song: 57 Channels (& Nothing On)