New Feature: Factcheckertron 5000

DCV staff are always wracking our brains to improve our service and provide the very best blog experience for our readers. One thing that Dolberry actually LIKED about the most recent election season was the proliferation of newspaper blurbs attempting to verify the various wild claims made by all the candidates and their supporters (or more often than not, their opponents' detractors) prior to the vote. You probably saw them, but here's an example.

Claim: Candidate A says Candidate B thinks American Idol should be canceled and replaced by Al-Qaida Idol. Further, Candidate A claims Candidate B ate a sandwich in 4th grade prepared by a lunch worker who later formed the Green Panther Creationist Party of Mordor. Candidate A (surrounded by smiling kids holding American flags) asks "Are these the kind of values we want representing us in Washington?"

Truth: Candidate B did attend 4th grade. (Then depending upon the editorial slant of the paper ... they would summarize either ...) This claim is almost entirely false. (or) This claim is partially true.

Anyway, the DCV is now going to do the same thing on non-political commercials. Enjoy! We have a few choice selections for this week's entry.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Claim #1: Bud Light claims their beer is better than other light beers because it has "superior drinkability". The commercials go onto ask if drinking water from a hose is the same as drinking water from a glass.

Truth: This commercial is ridiculous. First, if the highest claim you can make about your beverage is that it is actually potable then you have a crappy product my friend. I can think of hundreds of other liquids that are drinkable (definition ... something that can be drunk). This includes, but is not limited to: lighter fluid, Charlie Weis' sweat, & the bloody entrails of a roadkilled skunk. I would not drink these things however, no matter how easy they went down. Second, no one drinks Bud Light from a hose so that's just a red herring. Third, there's no way to prove your claim which belies its inherent meaninglessness. The claim in this commercial cannot be proven. The fact that whoever owns Anheuser-Busch now has set their marketing claims so low and nebulous probably means you should avoid this product.

Claim #2: Embarq claims you must be made of gold not to want free TV. One of the characters in the ad is purported to actually be made of gold. An irritating musical trio closes the ad w/ "they don't call her Queen Tut for nothing."

Truth: Where to start? First, people cannot be made of gold. And if a person WAS made of gold do you think they'd sit around coffee shops talking about which high-speed internet service they prefer? Of course not, they would likely be doing whatever they could to enslave the world. Or they'd be selling their fingernail clippings for cash and living on easy street. This commercial is ridiculous and it makes me mad. I went to Embarq's web site and I don't see the free TV anywhere. I do see that if you pay them $88 bucks a month you will get phone service & internet service & the DISH network. 88 is not equal to zero.

Claim #3: Sharp Aquos is running an ad w/ the tagline "Change your TV. Change your life". The clear implication is that buying a (bigger, more expensive) Aquos TV will change your life for the better.

Truth: It pains Dolberry to break this to those who can't see through this despicable mendacity but getting a better TV will not improve your life. In fact, it's pretty easy to make the argument that anything that causes you to watch more TV will make your life worse. If you want to change your life for the better ... don't buy a TV ... then turn off the TV you have ... read a book ... call a friend ... do something nice for someone ... pet your dog ... love someone ... allow someone to love you ... pray for someone that needs it ... put on some good music ... see an argument through someone else's eyes ... go for a walk ... forgive someone who's wronged you ... apologize to someone who you've wronged. Generally, live life, don't watch it. (Above paragraph does not apply to "The Office". That one you should watch. But you don't really need a fancy Aquos TV to do so.)