BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!

DOLBERRY HAS FIXED THE DOWNSTAIRS TOILET!

After being broken down for roughly 36 months, Dolberry spent about 2 hours today and fixed the downstairs toilet. Turns out it needed one of these and Dolberry needed some of this.

Needless to say, "We Are the Champions" is blaring pretty loudly from the Dolberry household this afternoon.

Top 3 things Dolberry has ever fixed:

1. Downstairs toilet

Hurricane Conrad

Do NOT mess w/ this man ... Admiral Conrad Lautenbacher!

Catching DCV readers up on the goings-on at the Hurricane Center:

When we last left this sordid tale, ~40% of the NHC staff had signed a letter asking for the head of the Center to be reassigned. The letter was produced and signed while a NOAA assessment team was on-site to investigate concerns about dysfunctionality at the Hurricane Center. Not surprisingly, the assessment team recommeded his (Bill Proenza's) removal for fear that his presence there would cause "disruption that threatens the Tropical Prediction Center's ability to fulfill its mission to the American people." (TPC = NHC)

(Dolberry advises that when you hear a politician or government bureaucrat hail the "American people" ... run for cover.)

So yesterday, NOAA Administrator Conrad Lautenbacher (esteemed boater of some sort), was called before Congress to explain his actions. Here are some of the highlights, see here for complete transcript: (Dolberry in green.)

1. He starts off by assuring the (get running) "American people" that NOAA and the NHC is fully prepared to do their job this hurricane season. Hey, what a difference a couple of weeks makes.

2. He then recounts what made Hurricane Conrad mad in the first place, that Proenza complained about the wasteful NOAA "200th" anniversary spending and how that money could have been better used for almost anything (he used replacing a satellite as an example). IMO, this infuriated Conrad because it's not the way a junior officer is supposed to behave.

3. He then goes on a bit of a "money laundering" tack, saying he hired this Mary Flack'n, er Mary Glackin (Hey, that's good angry blogosphering there. I'm sticking w/ Flack'n.) who in her first days on the job was instructed (by whom it is not named, but we can guess) to improve managerial rigor. She sent a memo to Proenza reminding him "the need for adherence to ... the chain of command".

4. Conrad says Flack'n got a call on the evening of the 6/18 from NHC staff requesting a call about the situation down there. The call took place at noon on 6/19. There's your most convincing evidence that this was a total whack job. In the government, nobody gets a conference call set up for the next day. It's simply not heard of. And in the summertime? Right.

5. Turns out the NHC forecasters were "scared", "anxious", "felt muzzled". They basically didn't think Proenza was up for the job. (That's fine. Um, NHC staff join probably 30-70% of the rest of us working stiffs inside and outside the government. The line is back there.)

6. The assessment team came down & felt they couldn't do their job w/ Proenza being there, trying to maintain support from those who hadn't signed on to the coup. Which would seem to be his right.

7. They receommended his temporary reassignment so they could finish their assessment.

8. The assessment (surprise, surprise, surprise) came back unanimously that Proenza needed to go.

OK, realistically, if you say something your boss doesn't like, it's (generally) within his right to prevent you from saying it again. And I don't think this rises to the level of "whistleblower" incident. NOAA's wasteful spending on stupid Safety Seagulls and spamming their own employees w/ "200th" anniversary nonsense are a matter of public record. But, you really have to marvel at the colossal blunderingness w/ which this has been accomplished.

Conrad, you got your guy. In the process you got a) major media coverage about problems w/ one of your premier groups, b) set a precedent for future staff insurrections, & c) raised the ire of a Democratic-controlled Congress right in the FY-08 budget discussions. To put it in your terms, I believe this is called "winning the battle, but losing the war."

(update)

Um, the DCV has to apologize. The picture above was not Hurricane Conrad. This is him below. We sincerely apologize to anyone offended.

We're Number 14! We're Number 14!

So says Money Magazine in their ranking of Great American towns. If you throw out all the crazy cold places in MN, NE and WI that they have in the ranking, we'd be in the Top 10. No place where the average high in March is < 50 F should qualify for anything but a prison camp.

We scored high in the categories of low crime, educated citizens, and sheep-to-citizen ratio.

All right one last pop music thing, then I'll move on

I'm kinda stuck using Napster's online music service because my portable XM satellite radio is affiliated w/ them (& seems to work most smoothly w/ that player). Anyway, it's way inferior to Itunes or Walmart.com, but like Itunes it feels compelled to recommend music to me "based on my tastes". (Itunes' app like this is very good.)

Napster's #1 recommendation to me? Hannah Montana 2.

Um, no thanks.

DCV Top Bands of the 80's: #1

1. U2

Reasons why U2 is better than every other band of the 1980's:

a) The songs. There are about 20-30 U2 songs that make Dolberry very happy whenever he hears them. (I'll list them under "best songs".)

b) There was never a better video than U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" where they were at Red Rocks outside Denver. A storm rolls in. You can see the band's breath as Bono waves his white flag and screams his frustration "I'm so sick of it!" He was sick of the violence in Northern Ireland and 1983 Dolberry was sick of doing homework, taking out the trash, or having girls not lining up to date him. Nevertheless, we were kindred spirits against cruel outside forces. (Video added to sidebar.)

c) No other band of the 80's played a concert in St. Louis MO in 1987 on the same night as the 6th game of the World Series (Twins - Cardinals) and sucked up to the crowd by having their lead singer come out emblazoned in a Cardinals jacket and hat (which he threw to the crowd).

d) More than any other "star" I know, U2's Bono has leveraged his fame to do something other than general self-indulgence. Personally, Dolberry thinks he's done almost entirely good things which is an added bonus.

e) The Edge's guitar sound.

f) U2's Super Bowl appearance which paid tribute to the 9/11 victims while reaffirming that the US and people of good faith everywhere will not bow down to evil.

g) My Dad once said, while demanding that early U2 be turned off, that "this is awful" & "those guys will never amount to anything". It is, to my knowledge, the only time my dad was ever wrong about anything. (For the record, my mom was only wrong once as well ... thinking potato soup was edible.)

h) I heard Bono say once, "Quit asking God to bless what you're doing. Instead, find out what He's doing and do that. It's already blessed."

i) I like how U2 rebounded from a period in which they thought songs about this citrus fruit were good ideas. I like the fact that they tried that whole weird mid-90's Pop Mart thing ... even if I never got it. (Others 80s bands rebounded, but not to the same level as U2.)

j) U2 is from Ireland. Dolberry ancesters are from Ireland.

k) I like the fact that U2's absence from Live Earth was advocated by the antiGores as evidence that the concept of global warming is somehow flawed. (They're recording a new album in Africa at present.)

l) I like the fact that when U2 was starting out they claimed "I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me."

m) I like that U2 is so into America (our strengths, as well as our failings)

n) I like the fact that there's no better song to play on your headset while walking on the beach on a grey cloudy day than "The Unforgettable Fire". Seriously, I think that's one of the best experiences one can have on Earth.

o) I like how U2 usually opens "Where the Streets Have No Name" w/ a snippet from one of the Psalms (e.g.: Ps 116-12-13).

p) Bono's 80's hair, while widely mocked, is still a target that to which Dolberry aspires.

q) I like the fact that the Edge so admired Stuart Adamson and paid a touching tribute to him upon his death.

r) I like the fact that Bono's been married to his wife for 25 years.

s) I liked the U2 appearance on the Simpsons and that Monty Burns thinks they're "wankers".

t) I like how U2 pretty much carried both "Do They Know Its Christmas" and Live Aid.

u) Who knows to what degree, but it's pretty impressive that a band would have any role in bringing warring parties to peace as U2 did in Northern Ireland.

v) I like the fact that U2 claims to be the best band in the world.

w) I like the fact that U2 has stuck together all these years. Not just the band, but it seems like most of their team members have stuck together all these years.

Best songs: Pride, Where the Streets Have No Name, Walk On, Until the End of the World, Sunday Bloody Sunday, Beautiful Day, New Years Day, The Unforgettable Fire, Vertigo, The Fly, I Will Follow, With or Without You, I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, One, In God's Country, October, Gloria, Wake Up Dead Man, Elevation, Out of Control, All I Want Is You, Bullet the Blue Sky, etc., etc.

Worst songs: Lemon

Future spring training trips in jeopardy?

It's looking pretty bleak for future spring training sojourns to see the Reds in Sarasota FL. The Sarasota Herald Tribune has run several articles recently on the (lack of) progress in securing a long-term arrangement. Earlier in the year, it looked like the Reds, the State of FL, Sarasota Co., and the City of Sarasota were going to jointly fund a $55 million dollar stadium that would rival Clearwater's Bright House Networks gem of a facility. The political environment in the area appears to have somewhat soured on public funding of a ballpark in the last local election cycle. In recent weeks, the Reds have advanced a scaled-back plan ($45 mil) that would upgrade the current Ed Smith Stadium (which I never realized is built on a landfill), but that doesn't look to get local public funds either.

I don't really blame the local Sarasota government for not wanting to fund it. Here's my quick estimate of how much money goes into the local economy based on our travels there: a) we spend about $200-300 dollars a day there (mostly to hotels, but some to restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations, convenience stores, golf courses, & then $ to the Reds for tix, souvenirs), b) by my calculation there are probably 500-1000 families / spending units doing the same thing on any given home date that wouldn't be there w/o the Reds (figuring the crowd is ~50-75% local). My rough guess would be about $2-4 million a season comes into the Sarasota economy. There are costs as well (traffic control) that would have to be subtracted. Over 30 years (length of proposed deal), the $ in would almost certainly exceed the initial investment (probably about $25-35 mil after overruns). But the investment would directly only benefit a few sectors of the economy and only indirectly help (taxes, jobs) the local populace as a whole. The apparent competitor for the local money potentially slated for the Reds is seaweed cleanup along the beaches. That would appear to help more people & would also probably maintain more tourism inflow. Also, cheaper events like the Sarasota Marathon probably have way higher tourists/investment ratios.

The bottom line is (to me) that there's already enough tourists in Sarasota in March to support the local economy. When bargain-basement hotel chains can charge triple-digits a night, the demand is strong. Also, I think the Castellini-led Reds deserve some praise here by (at least according to the local paper) not blatantly trying to extort a new stadium from the local government w/ threats and artificial deadlines.

So, while Dolberry will miss the times in Sarasota here are my preferred locations for future Reds spring training locations:

1. Orlando FL - I believe Griffey Jr would likely personally defray $2-3 mil of any costs associated to spend March at home. Hotels are way cheaper in Orlando & the non-baseball entertainment is pretty nice.

2. Clearwater FL - The Reds could share Bright House w/ the Phillies, thereby enabling Dolberry to eat cheesesteaks 4 times a year, instead of only 1.

3. Apex-Cary NC - They could play at the new USA baseball academy; Josh Hamilton could spend his days at home; and we could charge people to sleep in our shed (which is at least as nice as that Knights Inn in Sarasota). The weather's pretty nice in March.

4. Toyko Japan - The Reds could just play Japanese league teams all March & in 30 dates maybe draw 750,000 people. If they could make an additional $1 per ticket than present, they could funnel that $750K into buying a relief pitcher that could get a guy out in the 8th inning occasionally.

5. Las Vegas, NV - The potential Pete Rose tie-ins are innumerable.

6. Anywhere but Arizona - The world does not need any more 17-11 Spring Training games.

7. Oh yeah, and not Winter Haven FL - Ugh.

Need your faith in humanity restored? Check video to right.

Hard not to like the Phillies after that.

You know what bothers me?

The 'Just For Men' commercial where they say "Let the real you come through", then encourage you to hide the real you by coloring your hair.

That's just stupid.

All of the other commercials irritate me just slightly less. Not enough monkeys in commercials anymore.

What doesn't bother me? The O'Jimmies are in 2nd place ... our high-water mark for season. (Of course, Josh Hamilton strained his wrist tonight swinging @ the on-deck circle. ?!?)

Embarassing days for NOAA

Have you guys been following the soap opera at the National Hurricane Center? What a truly embarassing display by government employees of many ilks. The quick synopsis is this:

New guy (Bill Proenza) hired to manage NHC. Complains about NOAA budget decisions hurting the NHC's ability to forecast hurricanes. Congressional Democrats pressure NOAA to quit hurting the NHC's ability to forecast hurricanes. NOAA reprimands their new hire w/ a humorously threatening e-mail, saying he's hurting the NHC's ability to forecast hurricanes. New guy leaks reprimand to media. NOAA brass get bad press. Congressional Democrats pressure NOAA more.

This Monday, NOAA's administrator and long-time Dolberry nemesis "The Admiral", sends an assessment team down to Miami because of stated concerns about the NHC's ability to ... everyone now ... "because of concerns about the NHC's ability to meet its mission". (In The Admiral's world, everything is a mission. He's presumably talking about predicting hurricanes here.)

Now yesterday, about 40% of the NHC staff signs a petition calling for Proenza's ouster, saying (yawn) they're concerned about their ability to forecast hurricanes w/ him in charge. This seems rather suspicious, in light of NOAA's advance scouts being on-site.

Dolberry suspects none of the players in this whole drama are really concerned about protecting the public by accurately forecasting hurricanes. They are driven by either pride, anger, fear, opportunity, greed, or some other baser instinct. It's sad and embarassing for all of us in the public sector.

Lautenbacher should resign or be fired. This whole reckless incident has made the NOAA brand a laughingstock & more importantly has needlessly antagonized Congress. The Admiral is reminding me more and more of this ship's captain.

The ultimate reason to be against global warming

The more CO2 in the atmosphere, the more poison ivy grows and the more itchy the plant becomes.

Now ... it's personal.