Countdown for the Shutdown (Introduction)

Yeah ... so Dolberry has some time on his hands.

Enough time to create and present to the world one of Dolberry's famous rock-n-roll countdowns.  This one's is the Top 25 rock n' roll songs that are at least mildly cathartic for a sullen Dolberry when played at volume levels that are just below the maximum operating capacity of the human eardrum.

Here's the scoring rubric ... although as always all decisions are Dolberry's and Dolberry's alone and are final and not subject to appeal and are likely inerrant to begin with.

• Does the song clearly present an issue of concern (at least to Dolberry)?  (40%)
• Does the song invoke a previously unfelt desire to locate, then storm some barricades? (30%)
• Does the song skillfully skewer the human condition that has led to this issue of concern? (25%)
• Does the song scream or at least make you want to scream a significant fraction of the lyrics? (10%)
• Is the song from one of those acts that only Dolberry likes and everyone wishes he'd just give it a rest already? (-5%)

Also, only rock and roll songs need apply.  Folk songs may appeal to a certain segment of this disaffected population ... but as a short guy w/ an Irish temper ... Dolberry ain't got time for that hippie crap.  So Dylan and Lennon and Crosby can take their pathetic acoustic guitars back to the smoking area.

So ... with just a little more ado ... here are the songs that just missed the Top 25 w/ a short synopsis.  The actual Top 25 songs will be dripped out over the next few days unless something happens to change Dolberry's mood. Each of the top 25 songs will be accompanied by a touching and inspirational vignette about Dolberry's interactions with the song and some sample lyrics.

Countdown for the Shutdown: Honorable Mentions:

Buckets for Bullet Wounds - House of Heroes  ... the way-too-underappreciated quartet from Columbus OH loudly lament the human condition and liken our pitiful response efforts to merely getting buckets to capture the blood pouring from our gaping wounds (alert!  countdown foreshadowing!!). Sample lyrics: "There are no doctors ... only victims ... only bloodshed.  There are no churches ... only prisons ... only senators. There are no handshakes ... only handguns ... buckets for bullet wounds!"  Hells yeah HOH!  Would have made the countdown but for the obscurity thing.

Flame of the West - Big Country ... E-bow fueled rant about the hero's welcome many Britons gave Reagan when he visited the UK in the early 80's.  Sample lyrics: "He had the voice of an angel and the face of a saint.  And though they fell behind him, I knew what it was he meant.  His eyes were full of demons as he made the message clear.  He strode the world like Caeser and with a trident held his fear."  All you young 'Merican isolation Rand Paulites should look you up some Big Country and thank me later.  Missed top 25 on account of obscurity.  (Yeah, your loss bozos!)

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana ... Classic passive aggressive protest for the flannel-wearing slackers everywhere. Sample lyrics:  "Oh well ... whatever ... never mind."  Dolberry has rocked out to the crunchy goodness of this song probably 1000+ times in his life but is still not totally sure what he's supposed to be angry about.  Does it have something to do w/ antiperspirants?  Mr. Cobain, I've marked your song down a bit for its ambiguity.  Don't pretend you don't care, slacker.  And tuck in your shirt!

Born in the U.S.A. - Bruce Springsteen ... Yes I have a rock protest anthem countdown w/o a single Springsteen song in it.  Sue me.  (Actually, please don't.)  This one came close, but ultimately it's been co-opted too many times by politicians who were too lazy to even google "Born in the U.S.A. lyrics" like Dolberry is just about to do.  Sample lyrics: "Born down in a dead man's town.  The first kick I took was when I hit the ground.  End up like a dog that's been beat too much, 'til you spend half your life just a-covering up.  Born in the U.S.A.".

What's My Age Again? - blink-182 ... Puerile but all-too-fun complaint from SoCal pop-punk goofballs about how no one likes you when you're 23 and you still act like your in freshman year.  Once 23-year old Dolberry hollas "Amen".  Oh ... don't click the link and don't look up the lyrics.  (Huh huh huh ... Beavis he said 'puerile butt',)

Will the Wolf Survive - Los Lobos ... Dolberry really wanted this song to make the countdown because it would show that he is not only sensitive to the unique struggles that Hispanics face to maintain their identity while being assimilated into America, but that he also has hefty chops for classic and underappreciated 80's songs, but instead I had to put it here to right the ship after that whole Blink incident.  Sample lyrics: Standing in the pouring rain.  All alone in a world that's changed.  Running scared, now forced to hide.  In a land where he once stood with pride.